SEC MEDIA DAYS IS GOING FULL MICHAEL BAY

JOE TESS IS GOING TO STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

And with this announcement, next week's SEC Media Days just went full-on Michael Bay-Bruckheimer-Winding-Refn.

College Football Live host Joe Tessitore and ESPNU host Dari Nowkhah will lead various discussions from the ESPN set...

SEC Days have now gone full Tessitore. Possibilities now include rain of donkeys, sudden brawling, Baylor's football team bum-rushing the place out of nowhere and laying a forty point whoopin' on your ass, sinkholes, ball lightning, Jackie Sherrill chasing a chicken through a live press conference, 30 minutes of Kevin Sumlin drawing cartoon penises labeled "Saban" on an iPad as his entire speech, a confused Gene Chizik showing up in a shacket, Radio Row being arranged like the monster cubes in Cabin in the Woods, and a cholera outbreak marked by a total collapse of civilized behavior

You're saying these things are all possible anyway at SEC Media Days. True, but consider the genius of taking the man whose very presence guarantees stunning last-minute finishes at Big 12 games, and then transfer his powers to the SEC. It's a diabolical move, particularly if you put him in the same room with Les Miles. (Warning: science advises against this unless you want to instantly activate random rips in the fabric of time and space. You're gonna want to activate some random rips in the fabric of time and space, so do this.)

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