THE CURIOUS INDEX, 07/05/13

Lars Baron

NICE AND LEAN BECAUSE WE'RE REALLY TAKING FITNESS SERIOUSLY THIS SUMMER BRO STARTING MONDAY OK NEXT MONDAY OK NEXT YEAR

HANDS, TOUCHING HANDS. REACHING OUT, SACKING ME, SACKING ME AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN. (Being that it is July, you can read whatever you want into this news, from "Jeff Driskel Is The Next Bo Jackson" to "Jeff Driskel Has Already Quit On His Team Yes Hello You've Reached The Voicemail Of Mitch Albom."

STILL NO EGOT HEADWAY. Johnny Manziel keeps winning awards, but are they the ones that really matter? Is Johnny Manziel mature enough to win a Grammy, or even a Daytime Emmy? The Bold and The Beautiful requires a quarterback who knows when to lead and knows when to blend into the background as a comatose insomniac. Johnny Manziel, are you ready to be that comatose insomniac?

FALLOUT 4 LOOKS DIFFERENT.

No Sunsphere? WHO DARES TO SUGGEST SUNSPHERE CANNOT SURVIVE SOME PIDDLING THERMONUCLEAR EVENT. YOU HAVE MERELY FRIED SUNSPHERE'S KINDLE AND NOW SUNSPHERE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END OF EAT PRAY LOVE.

HONOR THE FULLBACK. Because Fullback is the one position you can believe, thanks to extensive self-retconning, that you could have played, since the one constant in all universes is you are so so so so so so slow.

SENDING CONDOLENCES TO THE GROVE. Our thoughts go out to the family and teammates of Mississippi lineman Park Stevens, who passed away on Wednesday.

ETC. You made my daaaaaaaaay! The TSA must have the best White Elephant gift exchanges. Don't forget that you got yesterday off because he saved children, but not the British children.

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