THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/24/2013

Sam Greenwood

WHAT'S UP WITH LANGUAGE?

WILL MUSCHAMP WANTS TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT LANGUAGE

WHY DO THEY CALL IT WATERMELON IF IT'S FULL OF FRUIT

IT'S CALLED A FOOTBRIDGE BUT IT'S MADE OF WOOD THAT AIN'T RIGHT

WHY CALL 'EM CATNAPS IF PEOPLE TAKE 'EM

WHY DO WE CALL IT HAMBURGER IF IT'S MADE AH BEEF

(meta) WHY ARE THEY CALLED STAR WARS BASICALLY JUST AN UNMITIGATED ACT OF INTERGALACTIC TERRORISM WE'RE IN ENOUGH PLACES NO NEED FOR US INVOLVEMENT

TOOTHPASTE SORRY I PUT ON ALL MY TEETH NOT JUST ONE

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER TALK ABOUT SORDID OVERBELLIES

WHY DO THEY CALL EM XBOXES YOU CAN'T PUT ANYTHING IN 'EM AND MINE ISN'T EVEN CARDBOARD WHAT A WORLD

WHY DO THEY CALL IT A SUB SANDWICH IT GOES TO SHIT WHEN I TAKE IT IN THE SHOWER

WHY IS IT A FOOTRACE IF YOU RUN IT WITH YOUR LEGS

WHY DO THEY CALL IT MANSLAUGHTER THAT BODY SURE LOOKED LIKE A LADY TO ME

WHY'S IT A NEW MOON LOOKS THE SAME TO ME EVERY TIME

I WON TEN GAMES LAST YEAR BECAUSE I'M A SMART PRIMITIVE

LANGUAGE

HEY, LOOK, URBAN DIDN'T HIT THAT LADY. Carlos Hyde may not have hit anyone at all, something which should make Big Ten Media Days ever so slightly better for Urban Meyer. Oh, speaking of:

We have a small army there, so follow along and taste the wholesome Midwesternness of it all. (It's also on BTN and ESPNU.)

CAN GOD SAVE A HOOKER? Well, we don't know about save, but Bill Snyder will certainly take her out for a solid meat and three, discuss some basic concepts of financial literacy, give her one hundred dollars in U.S. treasury bonds, and then the number of a guy he knows who runs a cleaning business with flexible hours and good pay, because you'll be going back to school as soon as you finish rehab. Man, that got WAY sadder than we wanted it to get, but Bill Snyder's a builder, and sometimes that means an honest assessment of how shaky the foundations are, imaginary hooker who's gonna turn her life around this time.

LORD KNOWS HOW TRILL ART BRILES IS. Since he's a 57 year old who can answer questions with Drake lyrics, we'll go ahead and assume that Hugh Freeze can spit Al Kapone on command.

IT'S A LOSS ON DEFENSE SO NEVERMIND PROCEED AS PLANNED. Arizona DB Patrick Onwuasor is accused of ALL THE DRUG CHARGES, so he's off the team and probably will be replaced by someone pulled off the streets of Tucson randomly. This person will turn into a respectable piece of a 3-3-5 defense because Jeff Casteel is a sorcerer. (And yes, we will do a Fulmer Cupdate before vacation next week, and that's four felonies and a truckload of points.)

ETC: Fuck you, that's why you do a Smolov Cycle. Follow. Adam. Jacobi.

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