THE CURIOUS INDEX, 07/18/2013

Eric Francis

GAS, GRASS, OR ASS - NEBRASKA NEVER ONLY LOSES THREE

A MEANINGFUL UPGRADE. So often, improvements to stadium facilities either fall into the "HEY LOOKIT RECRUITS WE GOT FLAT SCREENS IN OUR FRO-YO ROOM" category or the "HEY LOOKIT BOOSTERS WE GOT MORE SEATS FOR YOU ALL TO BUY AND SELL FOR A HEFTY MARKUP ON STUBHUB" one. That's why it's nice to see Nebraska investing heavily in something that is better for players on both sides and, therefore, better for the game as a whole: the playing surface. Now the Huskers can take comfort knowing they've got state of the art turf to lose to Northwestern on!

THIS BODES WELL. Colorado's competing with a bunch of high-octane, extremely modern programs in the Pac-12, so it makes sense that the number one quality they'd look for when selecting a new Athletic Director is extensive experience in golf and baseball. We kid, of course; Rick George can't be that bad if Nolan Ryan approves, since Nolan Ryan only rolls with executives who can pin him in twelve seconds.

DID YOU KNOW. Bret Bielema has never had a losing season as a head coach. Bret Bielema is not talking like a coach faced with his first losing season. Bret Bielema would make a very erotic Mall Santa if that turns out to be the case, though.

NEVER FEAR. EA Sports will not be slowed by the NCAA's decision to let their licensing contract expire. If anything, this should free them up to create that Committee On Infractions minigame you've always wanted!

WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN. All the quarterbacks and safeties will look up and shout "Who sponsors us?" And the carefully selected and totally impartial playoff committee will whisper back "Vizio."

ETC. The station launches in August 2014, but you'll have to wait four months for It's A Giggity Life, Houston Nutt. Finally, Calvinball explained! TEXAS FOREVER.

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