TEXAS TECH PAINTS UP A GIANT LADY ON A GIANT HORSE

Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Spo

THE GIANTESS OF LUBBOCK PROTECTS THE RED RAIDERS AT ALL TIMES

1. We suppport art in all its forms: accidental, intentional, and everything that falls in between. Maybe you want to know what accidental art is? Look at any football team coached by Houston Nutt, and marvel at just how disturbing and amazing accidental art can be.

2. This includes football-themed art of any sort, but particularly those pieces involving Steve Spurrier and chickens, or of alligators with PED issues greeting each other holding trophies in waist-deep water. We support all of this, because we like football, and we like art in all of its forms. We especially like the kind of bad pieces of art you can sympathize deeply with for being poorly made and unintentionally funny--just like life, or you, or everything General Motors has made, ever.

3. But dammit, Texas Tech: that is a hundred foot tall horse with a giantess on it, presumably gesturing towards some live action on the field. Live action, and live players in danger of being crushed by falling dung from that hundred foot horse's gigantic ass. Lubbock is very, very flat; a single fart from that horse would spread across the landscape like a shockwave from a nuclear test.

4. P.S. if there is a real giantess who wears a mask and carries guns and who has horse-ridin' thighs in the Lubbock area, um--we want to interview you, and strictly for professional purposes. THE FUN IS BACK IN LUBBOCK AND IT'S RIDING A GIANT HORSE AT SUNSET. (Or at least the weird times, and that and five hundred points in one direction or another is all we want from Texas Tech football.)

5. If this is a metaphor for what Kliff Kingsbury's coaching philosophy, we already like all of it to an irrational and totally unobjective degree.

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