IMAGINARY ORGANIZATION MAKES ARBITRARY, MEANINGLESS PUNISHMENTS FOR NOTHING

Thearon W. Henderson

NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL

Today, an organization used as a rubber-stamp and well-paid middleman for the graft of running about seven profitable franchises (and like, a hundred money-losing ones) under the auspices of a non-profit organization made a statement. It involved the public reprimand of an employee who no longer works at said institution, and likely will not be working for any school involved in the cartel anytime soon. He didn't seem to care either way when he was there, and won't and shouldn't in the future.

Using the arcane, pseudo-legal codes of the organization, some arbitrary, weird, and mild punishments were made. Those punishments came as a result of paying a man to find and bring quality labor into a firm. The bylaws of this organization, and the franchise it protects, forbid this in any form save for "scholarships" provided to a "school. (See case of "Getting an easily annulled marriage at the door of a whorehouse vs. you totally paid for sex.")

Because the school--and every other school, and the hilarious cicada-shell of an organization clinging to the side of the sport--would like to keep up this legal front, they will accept the punishments. Did we mention the "case" and "punishments" are written in fake legal speak, and presented as a case? And that adults treat them like they're real, and worth reading, scrutinizing, or examining for any trace of a non-existent consistency?

In summary: nothing happened today, and nothing will continue to happen to the no ones not charge of all this. You don't even deserve a GIF. But the internet's feeling generous.

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P.S. The NCAA does not exist. No creature who can't define its purpose in one sentence does.

P.P.S. You'd be surprised at how many people make their living off of outright fraud, and even more shocked by the number of people who have no idea they're even doing it.

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