IT'S BEEN A TERRIBLE OFFSEASON FOR BOB STOOPS. And we're very glad no one was hurt in the weird robbery of the Oklahoma coach's house, because home robberies in the middle of the night are terrifying, and not what you would expect in sleepy Norman, Oklahoma.
IN EVEN WORSE CRIMINAL AFFAIRS NEWS. Three Navy players will face rape charges under military law. This is horrendous, and that is all there is to say.
TEXAS SHOULD BE GOOD YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THIS BEFORE. Bill C. quantifies the third year of Mack Brown's unintentional and unplanned third year of rebuilding, and comes to the same conclusion everyone does when looking at Texas: they should be better this year, and if they're not it probably means something weird is happening in between a.) Mack Brown getting huge buckets of premium talent, and b.) going 8-5 with them.
STILL DON'T CURRRRRRRRR. No really, we don't, and neither does Holly. If you need a GIF for this, we have one you may use.
OKAY, THAT LINE WORKED. "He takes his classes online" is worth a giggle.
MORE EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE THAT NOTHING IN ALABAMA FOOTBALL SPELLS FUN. But everything about Texas A&M and Arizona does, a fact you already knew.
ETC: The late James Gandolfini gets his best remembrance here, but we'll always think of him as Tony Soprano wearing gladiator gear during overseas sex fantasies. OH MY GOD DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE INTERNET? Even the mighty buffalo cannot resist the charms of a trampoline. Wu-Tang had a sign-language interpreter, and we would watch this just to see how you do "ultraviolet shine blind forensics" in ASL. Tahiti is in the Confederations Cup, and that is weird and wonderful. Brian Schweitzer knows what's up about Washington, DC.