THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/12/2013

Scott Cunningham

THE CURIOUS INDEX WISHES YOU HAD A BOTTLE OF JACK IN YOUR HAND

BURRAH DELIVERS A CAKE IN DISGUISE. Let's clear a few things up. The Kang is Jackie Sherrill--cheating-ass, fist-clenching, brawlin'-ass, bull-castrating Jackie Sherrill.

The King is Barry Switzer. If you watch this video, you can see him delivering a cake to Bob Devaney at the 3:22 mark, and then getting slain by Devaney with a single joke.

(Most people are more recognizable with a bottle of Jack Daniels in their hand.) (Via Corn Nation.)

DEREK DOOLEY MAY HAVE HIT AUTOPILOT AT ONE POINT LAST YEAR. Not that APR isn't a deceptive stat--and it is, particularly when at lot of it has to do with giant, expensive buildings devoted solely to keeping players eligible--but damn, Tennessee, were you letting Tyler Bray run everything last year? (The answer is yes, which is why finals consisted of a game of cornhole and a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity. AND THEY STILL FLUNKED.)

EVERYONE AT EA HAS GIVEN UP AND IS JUST SWIMMING IN MONEY. The atrocities in the rankings for teams in the latest edition of EA Sports are the best argument yet that EA is desperately trying to NOT use real players, capabilities, or anything taken from real life. Florida has a 90 on offense, which is accurate if you talk about total points scored on the year.

THAT WILL GET YOU INCARCERATED AND SHOULD. Arizona State brings the total of sexual assault charges we need to tally for the Fulmer Cup to two on the week, because some people still think rape is okay in the 21st century in America, and that's a real statement that just hurts to even think about being true. (But is somehow true.)

HEH. CHUBB. Nick Chubb committed to the Bulldogs by receiving a ticket on a scooter in Athens, because Athens things and stuff.

LONGHORN YOGA. It's a difficult discipline, but fifty million dollars a year and consistent practice will turn you into a master after some time.

EVIL TWO QUARTERBACK NONSENSE. Devilment in need of review from Funroe.

ETC: Kanye is insane and Kanye is brilliant and Kanye is insane and Kanye is brilliant and Kanye is insane. The outside world is learning about Florida Man.

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