THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/31/2012

BRET BIELEMA MAY HAVE JUST BEEN AN SEC SLEEPER CELL IN THE BIG TEN ALL ALONG

LES MILES, DANGER SEEKER

Les Miles survived his charity rappel, but when an SEC coach dies basejumping to keep up with the ever-evolving recruiting demands of the college athlete, we'll say the tragedy really started at this moment. Which SEC coach is most likely to eat it trying an insane, ill-advized thrillsport just to keep up with the Joneses? Well, it'd be morbid and evil to say, so we won't fine it's probably Gary Pinkel trying to rollerblade.

BRET BIELEMA IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE.

We're starting to think Bielema left Wisconsin because shit-talking in Arkansas requires no state permits and enforces no limits on daily hunting for people to talk said shit to, man.

THAT MIGHT BE OPTIMISTIC. The Sporting News did put South Carolina at a lofty three, and that is a bit much expect from a team rebuilding its linebacking corps, losing Ace Sanders, and having to replace Marcus Lattimore at running back. Bill C. knew that before you did, but he usually does (about everything, really, but especially about football things.)

KIRK FERENTZ DOLLAZ. You could buy many things with Kirk Ferentz money, including an island. What island? Um, like, one of the discount ones, but still an island.

YESSIR. One year into the SEC, Kevin Sumlin is still intimidated, and has no idea how he's going to compete against Alabama HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING YOU CAN KISS HIS ASS ON BOTH VICTORIOUS CHEEKS.

FOR THE BRAVE AND STUPID ONLY. Gothlaw rewatched Arkansas/Auburn 2012 so you didn't have to, and no, don't ask why. Motivations only make the action seem stranger and less necessary.

ETC: The final form of LeBron hasn't even been unveiled yet. The Megan-as-Sharon-Tate thing gains momentum.

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