THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/3/2013

Kevin C. Cox

I'M SURE THAT DOESN'T HURT IN WEST VIRGINIA OR SOMETHING

WOOOOO WAIT THAT SEEMS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE AND PAINFUL. West Virginia, we will never understand your strange customs, but we certainly endorse them whatever they are.

(This is actually a tradition, but shhhhhh. For you it's just mountain insanity, and that's fine with us.)

JUST WRITE US A CHECK AND IF YOU NEED US WE'LL BE ON THE GOLF COURSE. One word for letting ESPN own the whole thing is lazy, another is cautious, and a third is "you make this shit, write us a check, and we'll be on the back nine if you need us." Whatever it is, ESPN allegedly owns the entire SEC Network until 2034, and that could mean a lot of money in the strictly theoretical sense since no one's divulging any financials on the deal, and won't until someone gets a few carefully leaked documents in their inbox. [hint hint] It also means another thing: moments for Dan Mullen to awkwardly enter the frame as a late participant in group photos.

THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO A STORY. Jeremy Hill's attorney says the video of him punching a man doesn't tell the whole story. The punch is like Rashomon: there's like seven different angles to the story, your honor, and [throws plea deal on judge's desk and begs for mercy]

MORE VAGUE OFFSEASON POSITIVITY. Muschamp sounds optimistic about Jeff Driskel, and with vivid instructions like this how could he not be?

NO. Just, no, no, no, and no.

ETC: Goodbye, $25. Live like this is happening every second of every day. Nicholas Cage is very good at his job. The champion never stops trying even in the face of adversity.

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