Welcome to "Every Day Should Be Saturday," where everything is made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like the BCS rankings of second-place teams in the ACC and the Big East. We're going to play a game for you called Superheroes. We'll start with one person and then the rest will be made up on the spot. Give me the name of an unlikely superhero.
And what is Hat Man's problem?
OUT OF TAFFY!
Hat Man, the world is running out of taffy! What are you going to do?
Weeping Woeojuwejhdjwe! We're running out of taffy! Something needs to be done! I'll need my super friends for this.
Captain Cougar! Thank goodness you're here!
They prefer to be called "experienced."
I heard there was trouble and you needed help.
Gnaws-on-Things Man! No taffy! It's horrible!
/starts gnawing on Captain Cougar's leg
Hey! That's genuine western hemlock wood!
Sorry, force of habit. About the taffy: Have you considered switching to nicely bronzed pork?
Do you have some?
No, but I know where we can get some. I need to draw up more onside kicks first.
I received a telegram that said there was a taffy shortage.
(gasp) The Purple Wizard!
In my day, we didn't need taffy. We did what we could with bundles of wheat and juco players. Now watch me turn Mack Brown into a pumpkin.
The Crimson Midget's plan has been foiled again. Wow! What a day!
Credit to Black Heart Gold Pants for the format idea.