THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/24/2013

USA TODAY Sports

AL GOLDEN'S SWEAT IS NATURE'S MOST EFFECTIVE NATURAL SUNSCREEN

SURE THAT'S ONE REASON. AA's summary of things to be excited about is beyond inclusive, but leaves out this delight: the Miami game will kick at noon-thirty in Miami on September 7th in shade-free Sun Life Stadium. Someone's getting sunstroke, and it's not going to be Al Golden because his sweat is a natural sunscreen, and oh boy there's plenty of it to go around. (This is the only explanation for Al Golden not getting skin cancer yet, because otherwise he appears to be on the verge of heat-death every second he coaches for the 'Canes.)

RIP, JIM ZABEL. The man whose voice accompanied some of Iowa's most miserable football moments in addition to the Hayden Fry renaissance is dead at 91, and remembered well and fondly.

MARK DANTONIO IS A CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED CHEMICAL REACTION. Confirmation that no one hires Mark Dantonio because they like him. They hire Mark Dantonio because it is science, and you need a corrosive catalyst to make certain chemical reactions happen (like a sustained chain of successful seasons at Michigan State, something far more difficult to achieve than most football scientists will acknowledge.)

ADMIRABLE RESTRAINT. That's what Paul Myerberg displays here by not just outright calling Illinois' football team "total bullshit" in his preview of them.

KELLER CHRYST. He's a top recruit, and that's delightful because we really enjoy the idea of saying the name "Keller Chryst" a lot.

KICKSTART GOOD THINGS. Penn State people: if you want a fantastic preview mag, then kickstart said preview mag and make good things happen.

ETC: "A rough day" is one word for that, sir. Oooh, the new Goodie Mob has Janelle Monae on it, and it is thumpy. The Grizzle have the mayor of Memphis on a boat with Elvis, and that can't end well. THE AMAZING BILLY JOEL. This is the biscuit menu for Tudor's Biscuit World, and your lunch is about to be ruined by envy.

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