What secrets are you hiding, Indiana? What could you be holding back that would get Indiana football insiders so very excited?
- A potato
- A potato that plays basketball
- A cyborg made of solid mayonnaise
- A touchdown
- The team's new signature cologne, "Antwaan Randel Smell"
An edited version of last year's Ohio State-Indiana game edited (poorly) to look like IU won
- Fresh fruit
- The new Train live album
- a bowl full of ice cubes made of frozen milk and sprinkled with cupcake garnish
- Free copies of an amazing book about Tom Crean
- A small scale model diorama of Indiana, filled with tiny living replicant Indianans, all alive until you crush them and kill them in real life and in the model, and no Kevin Wilson stop what are you doing you absolute monster--
- Brian Kelly's dick. We finally found it, guys. It's Brian Kelly's dick.
A garage sale. Not even a good one. This Spirograph is broken I'll give you three bucks TOPS.
A piece of Peyton Manning in a petri dish that has developed the ability to beat most humans at chinese checkers
Just some sensible neutral carpeting in the team offices. Nothing special, but a real value. And with StainPrevent!
it's just a segway. no one in Indiana has ever seen one before