THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/23/2013

ALL HAIL HYPNOBAUM

ROLL MUGSHOT TIDE. When you get arrested for faking an abduction, the proper choice is the pink national championship shirt. It signals femininity AND strength. That may seem like a hard charge to beat, but fortunately a simple presentation of the image above to an Alabama jury will inspire total subservience, and lead to you walking away from the courtroom a free and happy lady. Roll hypnotized jury Tide.

THAT'S NAMED AFTER SOME OTHER DUDE NAMED TEBOW. EA left Tim Tebow's name in the playbook for NCAA 2010, or at least used someone else's name that is also spelled "T-E-B-O-W," and they're losing this court case.

RAEKWON OUTS URBAN AS AN ASS MAN. Back that ass up, son, cause that bubble screen you got has Urban Meyer SPRUNG.

"HE'S ALREADY CONQUERED THE SEC." Oh, sure. You wouldn't think Johnny Manziel would transfer, you, just sittin' on TexAgs in your comfy chairs. But you're seeing the raindrops while Dan on Fire sees the whole thunderhead, man.

CHARLIE WEIS GOT IT ON DISCOUNT. The MAC's leading receiver in 2012 might be eligible to play immediately for the Kansas Jayhawks if he gets his degree and plays as a graduate transfer. Nick Harwell, booted from Miami (OH) after borrowing his girlfriend's car for a bit too long this spring, joins the Val-Pak Juco Transfer project at KU, and we hope Charlie Weis realizes you cannot flip a college football program for profit. (Charlie Weis built all this recessed lighting, and oh god why is the ceiling smoking--)

ALSO PROBABLY TRANSFERRING TO KANSAS OR NC STATE, BUT DEFINITELY NOT TO USF TO PLAY QUARTERBACK BECAUSE NO ONE IS EVER TRANSFERRING TO USF TO PLAY QUARTERBACK. Houston is losing their top rusher and a possible first round prospect for undisclosed reasons.

ETC: Oh, man, the story behind the Oklahoma hug photo is amazing. Fuck off, science, we don't want to know how things actually work or wouldn't.

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