Things have never looked brighter for Louisville - a big Sugar Bowl win over Florida, a reaffirmation of commitment from Charlie Strong in the offseason, and a returning superstar ready to vault to the top of the Heisman list in Teddy Bridgewater.
Except...Bridgewater's not interested in a Heisman campaign. That's selfless and shows focus on team success, sure, but it's also a big problem. See, Louisville had already set aside the money in the budget for that ad blitz, and now it has to get used. There's really only one option: JOHN WALLACE FOR HEISMAN.
Here are some extreme facts about KICKER JOHN WALLACE, HEISMAN CANDIDATE:
- Made ALMOST EVERY ONE OF HIS EXTRA POINTS in October 2012
- ZERO regular season kickoffs out of bounds
- NEVER takes the last CRESCENT ROLL
- LED TEAM in TOTAL TACKLES by a PUNTER OR KICKER
- Scored MORE POINTS PER GAME than Marqise Lee
- Name is worth TWENTY SIX points in Scrabble without LETTER OR WORD MULTIPLIERS
- LOVES his GRANDMOM
- Would be FIRST Heisman winner named JOHN
- SINGLEHANDEDLY BEAT Rutgers AND Cincinnati
- MORE 2012 KICKOFF YARDS than Blake Bortles had passing yards
- Holds Wallace FAMILY RECORD for MOST CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS WEARING HIS RETAINER LIKE DR. MITCHELSON ASKED
John Wallace. A Kicker. A Leader. A Winner.