THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/18/2013

THE C.I. IS ON ON D.R.U.G.S.

D.R.U.G.S. ARE A POSITIVE THING NO TRUST US IT'S AN ACRONYM WAIT-- OKAY. So that hat stands for "Do Right U Gain Success," and is part of Waka Flocka's new tour gear, and let's just save that for when Alabama loses to Texas A&M again, and we can say it stands for "Defense Rendered Useless (by) Gregarious Syrian."

Let's also just all overlook the most incredible part of this all, and pay attention to the hat, and not talk about the mind-boggling reality of Waka Flocka Flame hanging out with A.J. McCarron like it's just your average Monday on this planet. #AJMCCARRONFORBRICKSQUAD #SQUAAAAAAD

The next step: finding out Katherine Webb left "Splash" because she is having an affair with Gucci Mane, who can have sex while sleeping. ("It feels like Mozart's on my dick.")

COLLEGE ATHLETICS IS IN A BAD PLACE THAT MAKES ME A LOT OF MONEY. Says Bill Snyder, who happily ground no-name opponents to powder in the name of inflating K-State's record, worked his assistants to the bone for years, and happily participated in whatever long rush to Mammon he's talking about when he talks about "that bad place." He does admit to being overpaid, the most comforting self-criticism one can ever make besides "sometimes my penis does just overwhelm people."

TAMPA'S GRAVITATIONAL FIELD CLAIMS ANOTHER. Clint Trickett of FSU is rumored to be transferring to USF, and if he does you can look forward to precisely what you hear from most other people who move to Tampa: nothing, ever again, ever. #BlackHoleOfTampa

BEHOLD A MACHINE AT WORK. Bill C just previewed every team in C-USA by April. What have you done with your life?

HIT-UM-ERR-GOOD-SEEEETTTTTUTTT. The Mike Stoops megamix will haunt your waking consciousness.

ETC: Zac Crain, a native of West, Texas, on the fertilizer plant explosion and what it destroyed in his hometown. WOOOO, GO MISSISSIPPI, HIT THAT RED AND DON'T LOOK BACK. This is worth watching for Charlamagne's description of Kevin Federline alone.

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