THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/11/2013

Streeter Lecka

DENARD, THAT HAPPENED TO EVERYONE LAST YEAR

DEE MILLINER IS A DICK.

WHEN WILL JOHNNY MANZIEL STOP GLORYBOYING AROUND? A polo shirt and doing an interview? TYPICAL SPOILED HEISMAN BUST BEHAVIOR, JOHNNY MANZIEL. And talking to bloggers? FOR SHAME.*

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Keeneland race track will happily shuttle you back and forth to the track if you show up early for Kentucky's spring game, and do so for the low, low price of one dollar a piece. If you are attending, and wish to have some solid horse betting advice: put one dollar on every horse in every race and you can't possibly lose! The combination of three irrational activities in one day--horsin', drinkin', and watching Kentucky football--could kill you but you'll never find out until you try, test subject, because SCIENCE.

AU REVOIR, COACH WE BARELY KNEW. Bryant Young, Florida's DL coach, resigned for personal reasons yesterday to spend more time with his family, which could mean anything including "I want to spend more time with my family" and "I have been indicted in an orchid-smuggling scheme." When Will Muschamp throws you off the ship, it happens before you have a chance to salute the Union Jack, sailor.

USING PHONES: STILL A CHALLENGE IN AMES. Or rather, using phones too much might be an issue with the NCAA, but shit, it's Ames. You have to call people just to pass the time. As with all NCAA violations, we suggest you mail it back to Indianapolis in an envelope filled with glitter, because once that shit gets on your hands it stays there for weeks.

GO DAWGS. Get crunk, Georgia Department of Agriculture.

ETC: Pandas set to Ludacris. The new Big K.R.I.T. is fantastic, and has Big Sant saying "My car older than your favorite rapper." FIVE HOURS OF ALEX JONES SAYING CRAZY THINGS. Yes, Llama, said Penguin. Let us go and be happy forever.

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