THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/7/2013

THE CURIOUS INDEX SALUTES CLOUD PORN, COLORADO

COLORADO FOOTBALL HAS A NEW ATTITUDE AND ALSO LAV MIKES

CU is making a multi-part series out of Mike MacIntyre's first year in Boulder. Watch it for a few things:

  • Oooh pretty mountain-ness
  • BUFFALO HEADS EVERYWHERE
  • The part at the 5:40 mark or so where a player goes "Hamlet. Yeah, lessgo get it."
  • The weight room when viewed in comparison to say, Alabama's
  • People on a football team who almost look like normal humans, and not the collections of giant Gamorrean guards you see on your larger market successful FBS college football teams.

More than anything, though? Someone at Colorado clearly listened to our pleas and made LENTICULAR CLOUD AND MOUNTAIN EROTICA. Bout time you embraced your strengths, Colorado. #weed

IMAGINE THAT HEAD TRAUMA IS BAD. Even at the sub-concussive level, per a new study. Dr. Michael Felder has been saying this for years, but go ahead and take credit for it, "science." But we're sure those at the top of the sport's hierarchy wouldn't just be lying their asses off in public the day before about this and shit okay maybe that just happened.

YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BE AN AD. Nice work if you can get it, particularly if you're David Williams of Vanderbilt, whose $3 million plus salary is deceptive due to his playing multiple roles at the university. (He's a tenured law prof, general counsel for the university and the med school, and a vice chancellor for university affairs in addition to his duties as Vandy's de facto AD since they technically don't have an athletic department.) There are other notables in there, including Barry Alvarez pulling down a cool million plus ("Barry, nice job, Barry,") and the hilarity of Jay Jacobs at Auburn being paid six hundred thousand dollars to suck at his job.

SMART FOOTBALL IS SMART. The Solid Verbal had Chris Brown on, and just let him talk because that's the right thing to do. It's particularly interesting listening to the bit about Manziel, and whether success so early could keep him from getting better as time goes on.

ROCK ON, LOUISVILLE. Leave it up to Kentucky to lead the way toward civilization.

VIRGINIA TECH IS VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT ITS ABILITY TO TALK ABOUT BEATING ALABAMA. Later, when Virginia Tech lies shattered in pieces of the turf of the Georgia Dome, Antone Exum can blame the meds for this.

BUT WHAT IF IT WAS A BASE PLAY? Shakin' the Southland explains the hook and lateral, sometimes known by the misheard variant "hook and ladder" pronunciation. Sure, it's not a base play of an offense [hits bong] BUT WHAT IF YOU RAN IT EVERY PLAY, MAN?

OUR GREATEST SHIRTLESS COACHES. That's a fine listicle, but it doesn't include Kirk Ferentz shirtless, and that's a shame because his sultry post-polar plunge sensuality is literally the only reason he has not been fired at Iowa. (And the Mother of all Buyouts. But also teh #ANF tingly sexy, too.) Related: you can never erase this from your mind once seen, so please, by all means, feel free not to click on it.

ABOUT THAT SHIRTLESS MAN. Iowa's reviewing the hire of his future son-in-law to, um, do something at the University, something he is probably totally qualified for because nepotism.

ETC: A tribute to Hans Moleman.

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