THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/8/2013

Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

DON'T BLOW OUR HIGH.

DON'T BLOW MY HIGH. Oh, man, this means nothing but good things for Florida.

First, Florida football players being arrested for minor marijuana possession typically corresponds to periods of success in the Gator football program, since a relaxed, stress-free football player is an effective Florida football players. Second, we learned that Louchiez Purifoy's middle name is "Deouncelonte," and he may literally be the only person on the planet named this. Congrats on both, and now please don't get arrested because you may be the best wide receiver the team has (in addition to being a starting cornerback.) The arrest report does, in fact, read something like this.

RIP, CHRIS RIX. Catch up on Twitter's most lopsided public feud between a former FSU quarterback hated by most everyone at FSU and a giant angry man who owns a sniper rifle! And then read about Dan Kendra, who has feuds with no one, and a 176 pound kettlebell in his garage.

WOOPIGTAILGATE. The most delicious part of Bret Bielema hosting a signing day party from the back of a huge pickup tailgate will be Wisconsin fans--WITHOUT IRONY--calling it hillbilly, and then returning to their lives in binge-drinking, deerhunting, ice-fishing-ass Wisconsin.

AIRBHG REALLY TURNS THE ENDING ON YOU. AIRBHG has so poisoned the brains of Iowa fans that they even include him laughing maniacally at the end of otherwise innocuous highlight videos.

ANYONE CAN GET A JOB ANYWHERE. Cam Cameron is one name associated with the vacancy on the offensive coaching staff at LSU, and yes, you too can coach anywhere after you've coached in the NFL for a few years. Stop trying to make Cam Cameron happen, life. Just stop.

OTHER CAM NEWS: just hanging around Auburn, making his bosses really anxious playing pickup basketball with clumsy teenagers. (We like that Bo quote at the bottom that just makes everyone else look like total pussies by comparison.)

ETC. This man is cleaning that monstrous kettlebell Dan Kendra has in his garage, and appears to be having a seizure while doing it.

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