It's completely delusional to choose between the two, said college football grabbing a miniature pot pie from the waiter's tray of hors d'oeuvres. Why the cruising cabin of the proverbial sporting yacht is big enough, and the journey long enough, yes, for more than one captain at the wheel? And do they not work in shifts, piloting the soul through the dark rough waters of dreary life? Does a ship not have a full crew, and require teamwork? Isn't that right, college basketball?

College basketball then turns to college football: "Say, is that your penis, out of your pants and urinating in our punchbowl?"

College football: "Why, this?"

College basketball: "Yes. That."

College football: "LOL yup."

Well, maybe some punch-pissing is inevitable. Ditto for seeing what can't be helped but be seen in the regional covers, Miller and Jadeveon Clowney's birth scene included.