A SIMPLE BUT IMPORTANT LESSON

ATTORNEYS RUIN EVERYTHING EXCEPT WHEN YOU BEAT THEM TO IT.

So the NCAA has released the results of its self-investigation investigation, and now we get to play your favorite game, Who Knew What And When And Screw It Fire Everyone Burn It Allllllllll. While it's great fun to call for Mark Emmert's weird baby doll head, put your pitchfork and torch down just a second, because there's an important lesson here.

LISTEN. TO. YOUR. LAWYER.

This is not because lawyers are inherently smarter than you (they aren't) or have better judgment (hahahahahahahaha). You listen to your lawyer because, if they're wrong, you can turn around and say "I was acting on advice of counsel." And then you're basically golden, because everybody is willing to blame it on the dumbass lawyer. It's an entire damn subplot of Jurassic Park.

And when your lawyer gives you advice but you're all "nuts to that, I'm bringing this gun to my custody hearing so they know I'm an ADULT?" Bad times. Bad, bad times. Because now you've fucked up after someone specifically told you you were about to fuck up, and sympathy does not that way lie.

(Please note: our advice here is not "listen to ANY lawyer," because any lawyer that isn't your lawyer is basically just a less honest, better dressed used car salesman. Nevin Shapiro's attorney cared about two things - one, getting paid, and, two, nope actually just that first thing.)

Yes, your lawyer wants to get paid, too. But more than that, your lawyer doesn't want to get sued/disbarred/found to have offered constitutionally ineffective assistance. You want to do something sketchy? Fine, but don't ask your lawyer and then ignore the advice you get. "But," you insist, "I myself am a lawyer! I know what's best!" This is why doctors don't read their own x-rays, dummy. Stop that. Stop that right now.

Listen to your lawyer. Your mom will give you advice you can ignore for a far more reasonable billable rate.

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