OH GIRL YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE PENTAMETER
A night of love means a night of love's verse.
Todd Graham, acrostic:
Bret Bielema, haiku
I love you so much
But right now my hands are tied
The card says "anal."
Dana Holgorsen, elegy:
How mournful is a winter's night,
When fall seems such a distant sight,
The only thing that brings me calm,
Is knowing this: I fucked your mom.
Jimbo Fisher, quatrain:
When your image fills my head
I recall what Harrison said
When he was so wracked with pain
"Gary Oldman, get off my plane."
Urban Meyer, haiku
I'd give you my heart
But there is a problem, love.
It came from an ape.
Frank Beamer (haiku)
This truck, so rusty
it's spitting bolts and smoking
Just like your cooter
Gus Malzahn (limerick)
Gus Malzahn likes to play fast
His lovin' wants to score last
He doesn't have time
For a limerick's lines--
Will Muschamp, free verse
"This is just to say"
I have eaten
that were in
your ice box
i just eat
Nick Saban, sonnet
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun
The sun is a burning ball of gas. Eyes are eyes.
Miss Terry's eyes aren't fire.
Poetry's fucking stupid.
Bill Snyder, epic poem
Iram pande mihi Pelidae, Diua, superbi
Tristia quae miseris iniecit funera Grais
Atque animas fortes heroum tradidit Orco
Latrantumque dedit rostris uolucrumque trahendos
Illorum exsangues, inhumatis ossibus, artus.
Confiebat enim summi sententia regis,
protulerant ex quo discordia pectora pugnas,
Sceptriger Atrides et bello clarus Achilles.
- Bill Snyder, age 17
Brady Hoke, doggerel
Pizza in the morning,
Pizza in the evening,
Pizza at suppertime.
When pizza is on a bagel,
You can eat pizza
Lane Kiffin, couplet entitled "Boobs."
Got a waterbed in my room that'll make you shout
Bounce twice on it and your boobs fall out.
[signs poem as "Fart")
[just submitted the lyrics to "The Reason" by Hoobastank and is disqualified]