SPIKE FACTOR, WEEK 14

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Y'ALL JUST CHEATIN TO KEEP LARRY COKER DOWN

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This is the last time we'll be handing out awards for single week performances; all the games (including the conference championship) through this weekend will be tabulated, but the next Spike Factor will be handing out the season trophies. It's still anyone's S.S. Tetanus to win!

CARLOS SANTANA PLAYER OF THE WEEK

UTSA beat seven FBS schools this year, but under the terms of their move out of FCS, the Roadrunners only get a bowl bid if there aren't 70 other eligible teams, and that means they'll be staying home this postseason. That's the bad news. The good news is that the last Santana GIF of 2013 is San Antonio-bound, thanks to Eric Soza's 16% Spike Factor against Louisiana Tech. It's not a bag full of fine Gildan products, no, but it's something, Roadrunners. It's something.

MIDDLE EARTH MVP

Week 14's median Spike Factor was 41.67%, put up by Jameis Winston against the Florida Gators. We're counting that as a victory for Will Muschamp, along with successfully putting his shirt on without getting his head stuck in a sleeve and eating pudding without choking. That's a winning STREAK, suckers.

THE ALMOST WORST

Five quarterbacks stayed at or above 60% this week; A.J. Doyle of UMass, Scotty Young of Louisiana Tech, and Joe Licata of Buffalo all hit that number on the head. Not surprisingly, all three of their teams lost, and soundly. It's probably not all the fault of those quarterbacks, because they had coaches who kept asking them to pass. A good manager knows what to expect from his employees.

TETANUS SPIKE

Since joining Conference USA in 2005, life has been pretty decent for Tulsa. They've been to seven bowl games, served as a good launching pad for head coaches, and Bill C. thought they'd win the conference this year. So what the hell happened that the Golden Hurricane went 3-9 and only won two conference games? A partial answer is also this week's Tetanus Spike winner: freshman QB Dane Evans.

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Forced into action after starter Cody Green was injured midway through this season, Evans has been so bad that he doesn't even show up in our photo tool for a single game this season. Maybe the photo tool knows better than to do that to us, since Evans ran 29 plays against North Texas and advanced the line of scrimmage on nine of them (68.97%). Take this Tetanus Spike, Dane Evans. Whatever you look like.

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