THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/26/13

Mark A. Cunningham

THE CURIOUS INDEX IS BOXING UP GIN AND GIVING IT TO THE SERVANTS BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT

DAWWWW. That's adorable, Georgia. Stop doing adorable things to not be a hated rival.

ROPER, OFFICIAL. After three years of attempting to run the ninth-best offense in the 1984 SEC while shitting on "look-back offenses" and the hurry-up, Will Muschamp has hired a coach who does a lot of that. Alligator Army has the full breakdown, and we hope Roper got a fat three year deal that will be paid in full when Will Muschamp is fired sometime in November of 2014. This ain't his fault, and you can't blame a man for taking an opportunity, a large paycheck, and a way out of Duke and into the SEC.

MARK DANTONIO INTERRUPTS HIS HOLIDAY TO GIVE YOU A GIFT. It's a suspension for a bowl game! Happy holidays, man.

LES MILES, TOO, FEELS SOME TYPE OF WAY. Coaches got all kinds of things for the holiday, including yoga classes for Bo Pelini. Imagine him with the sad little rubber mat burrito under his arm, walking into the class, and then struggling to hold in a fart during downward dog. Imagine Carl attending a class with him, and being asked to leave for ogling female class members. Imagine all of this, because "Yoga with the Pelinis" could be the best reality show the Big Ten will never make, and that is a damn shame.

CAUSALITY IS HARD. This is not a link to a Gregg Easterbrook piece because we would never link you to horrible things that were wrong about everything including football. It's a link to a Texas HS football blog debunking everything in the article, and provides no pageviews to a glib, football-ignorant, moralizing anti-semite.

LIVE FROM BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN DETROIT. It should actually be an exciting game, and not just because Robocop could run through the field screaming HALT, CITIZEN at any point.

ETC. Ahahahahahah sure.

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