THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/11/2013

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

WELL, HE'S GETTING A BUYOUT IN HIS STOCKING, SO HE SHOULDN'T

LET'S JUST SHOVE ASIDE MACK LIKE SO MANY CHUNKS OF COLD BRISKET. Before you get into the mania of tracking the financial decisions of Nick Saban--SPOILER! He's still going to be fucking wealthy at the end of this week!--pause and consider the case of the man reportedly being shunted aside at Texas, one William Mack Brown. Brown is in his sixteenth year at Texas, an insane number given turnover in 21st century coaching. He survived being Mr. February, losing to Oklahoma by ghastly margins numerous times, dropping some of the worst road losses one can possibly imagine (BYU this year, for instance,) and adroitly dodged the constant free-fire of Texas politics.

Don't even think of him as a football coach, since that always seemed to be secondary to Mack's real talents as a gladhander, backslapper, and administrative bulldog for the program and its gargantuan, ever-growing bankroll. Think of him as what he is: a politician, and one who survived four Presidential terms, thirteen years of Rick Perry as governor, and countless challenges to the Longhorns' in-state supremacy. It's ending, like anything else, but admire the tenacity, longevity, and the ability to get Beyonce wearing his team's jersey. There are better coaches than Mack Brown out there. They didn't last sixteen years, or retire to an endless stream of fundraisers, large checks in their mailbox, and a mansion filled with an incalculable amount of rich, aromatic leather-covered furniture.

RE: TENACITY. He may not be done yet, either.

IT'S JUST SITTING THERE! ON HIS DESK! Which would be a huge story about Nick Saban if you didn't leave unsigned shit lingering on your desk for days, and if Nick Saban really cared about money, or understood what it meant. (Like Ms. Terry doesn't pick a zero to stop at, since Nick Saban probably doesn't carry his own wallet at this point.)

MAMA POTATO CALLED. Bryan Harsin is the new coach at Boise State, leaving Arkansas State just one day shy of a full year into his tenure at the school. Arkansas State has a nice SNL thing going on, with their coaching alums becoming head coaches elsewhere after short stints in Jonesboro. They should roll with that, and create some kind of endowed chair for "Guest Coach" of the Red Wolves/Arkansas State Mobile Meth Lab Explosion. Coach for a year, get free tree stand, move on.

DID YOU KNOW? You can add almost anything to the end of a URL and it still works.

THIS IS A SLOW NEWS DAY/WEEK/LIFE BECAUSE: snowballs are a relevant and important topic today.

ETC: Mexican Bieber covers make love real. This is a deeply accurate summary of a ten month old's brain.

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