THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/10/2013

NONE OF THIS IS HAPPENING

THE ROLE OF THE INTERNET IS TO MAKE ALL INFORMATION EQUAL IN ACCESS AND EQUALLY SUBJECT TO SCRUTINY. There is no evidence Nick Saban is going to coach the Texas Longhorns next year, or indeed ever. He was reportedly in Kentucky yesterday recruiting, so none of the doctored photos of FlightPath information showing a plane traveling to Austin from Tuscaloosa make any sense. They make even less sense when you notice the number is Paul Bryant Jr.'s plane, and there is a photoshopped "Air Deloss" on the ownership information. (But sure, please, send us emails saying this isn't real. We love those.)

This is nothing to be concerned about, and the following illustration makes no sense whatsoever.

ROLL TIDE. (via)

EVERY LAST DAMN BOWL GAME REVIEWED PICKED AND SCRUTINIZED FOR MAXIMUM SPECULATIVE CONTENT. Yes, we picked both Nebraska to beat Georgia and for Texas to upset Oregon. Why? Because it has been raining for like a week straight in Atlanta, three out of the four people in this house have had explosive diarrhea and/or vomiting, and we're feeling FUCKING DANGEROUS RIGHT NOW, okay? (Plus: what real confidence do you have in Oregon showing up in Mack Brown's last game, or protecting Mariota, at all?) We also ranked them all for entertainment purposes, and somehow put Michigan State/Stanford at three because everyone likes trench warfare.

THE CLAWFENSE DARES TO BECOME THE RICHEST OFFENSE IN NORTH CAROLINA. The path to unlimited wealth runs through Wake Forest, and that path now runs straight to the feet of Dave Clawson. Remember, Dave: Jim Grobe finished his career making $38 million a year for just competing, so the kingdom can be yours for six wins and maybe a bowl game or two a decade.

TODD MONKEN IS AN AWESOME DUDE. Southern Miss's head coach bought his seniors suits, which he can do because they've exhausted their eligibility, and also because he happens to be a really good dude.

FREAK THE HELL OUT, RICE. Go fightin' Carbs, get you some celebration.

PLEASE HAVE HIM CALL WILL MUSCHAMP AND OFFER HIM THE TEXAS JOB. Once the dude who offered Tony Dungy the USC job gets out of jail, of course.

ETC: It's close, but I think Dilfer pulled out this battle rap. The new Morrissey memoir sounds like the most Morrissey thing since that time you walked down the street, noticed a poor person struggling in the wind, and refused to help them while bemoaning how a hangnail had ruined your entire day.

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