HATIN' ASS SPURRIER THANKS ST. HARDEE'S

Streeter Lecka

AND NOW WE CONGRATULATE KANSAS ON ONE WIN OVER BLACKLUNG

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I'd call Georgia's loss deflating on Saturday, but puffy-ass Mark Richt doesn't look like he's lost any air pressure at all to me. He's lookin' blessed, alright. By St. Hardee's.

Seems inconsistent to me that a win makes swordplay ok for Ed Orgeron but not Bobby Petrino.

Figured a bunch of nerds WOULD get all confused when trying to wear out a few Trojans on a Saturday night.

Florida was a lot of fun to play. Gotta send the rugby team up for a change of pace more often, Jeremy Foley.

Sure gonna be fun seeing a California crowd rally around a Rose Bowl winner again. I'm talking about Fresno State, of course.

We're not gonna make Coach Muschamp pay for that chalkboard. He's just treating educational tools the way he was taught to at Georgia.

Because it's literally flatter than a pancake, Kansas is the Mom Ass of states, and now you know why Dana Holgorsen gave it up on Saturday.

But still, congrats to Kansas. Not many men would pay someone $ 5 million for one win over 22 ailing West Virginians, but that's why Charlie Weis is the black lung class-action lawsuit buster of coaches.

I still think Florida's gonna be bowl-eligible, so long as Marcus Thomas comes back home for the holidays.

Defensive coordinator walks into a bar. He doesn't say anything, because defensive coordinators are incapable of speech because they're apes in gym shorts. Someone calls animal control and they shoot him dead, and a good-looking sexy offensive coordinator buys everyone a beer. They all laugh at the dead, stupid ape, and have a much better time now that he's dead. My favorite story, by the way.

They say even a blind dog finds a bone every so often, but you'd think Michigan could afford to give Brady Hoke a flea dip.

Saw Colorado won a football game, so it must be time to flip the mattresses in your house again.

Wonder what Nick Saban's golf handicap is? He's short.

Pretty impressive seeing what Cutcliffe's done with Duke. Like watching someone get their GED while wearing a suit jacket you gave to the Goodwill.

Tired of people treating Clemson like they're some kind of red-headed stepchild. That's my job.

Y'all see those FSU fellas playing Hangman on the sideline? Didn't even need grad assistants to help 'em for once.

I'm sure Syracuse was quite a test for FSU, though. Hard to hear future journalists taunting you about the 40K jobs they're gonna retire on for four hours without laughing yourself into a sprain.

The thing about Georgia under Mark Richt is that they're so versatile. Every year, they figure out a new way to get to the Outback Bowl.

Hope Butch Jones doesn't ask Phil Fulmer about coping with adversity at Tennessee. "Bob Evans" ain't a defensive coordinator, no matter what he tells you.

Sure am glad one of the seven seals is "Mississippi State beating a ranked opponent."

That other Carolina beat Pitt, who lost to Navy, so unless we fight a country allergic to khakis you're now the most useless branch of the armed forces, Tarheels.

I know those expiration dates on milk cartons aren't official, but Texas might want to see if Mack Brown has a "FEB 2011" birthmark.

Emerson once said the most special things aren't what's ahead of you or in front of you, but what's inside you. When you wonder why Bret Bielema's got his head up his ass, well, he's just bein' Transcendentalist.

Word of advice, Art Briles: let Dan Snyder beat you at table tennis. He'll throw an extra $15 million in your contract. It's like if Wookies were bad with money.

Prove to me Gus Malzahn isn't a pokemon. Do it. I'm waitin'.

They really gotta do something to make Alabama fans appreciate him, like letting him play linebacker or making him an anti-evolution state senator for a day.

He just does all the little things right, which is hard to do in a state with such a high obesity rate.

Tossing care packages to relatives in prison ain't easy, but it does give quarterbacks from the state of Texas the ability to throw into a small window from a very early age.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, Ohio State, but I'm pretty sure either one would violate your probation terms.

At least Ron Zook only had fistfights with himself, Illinois.

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