SHUTDOWN FULLCAST SEVEN: THE NO HOLDS BARRED CAGE MATCH

Kent Horner

SHHH, YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD, SON

This week's Shutdown Fullcast asks the important questions:

  1. Which coaches really would be the worst to face in a three-on-three cage match?
  2. Would Celebrity Hot Tub try to hurt a man with a heart condition? (Yes, yes he would.)
  3. What is Missouri? (No one knows.)
  4. Why your parents weren't cool because they didn't say "nothing good happens before noon, son."
  5. Can the Longhorn Network become even less findable? (Yes, if they played Hawaii on NHK.)
  6. Is USC/Notre Dame the worst Ringu curse tape ever? (Yes. You leave Bob Davie alone.)

Listen or download here, or in the player below. (RSS still comin'.)

Selected reader questions we didn't use:

Trick question: he is a horcrux for the spirit of Rich Kotite. But Rich Kotite's alive, you say? Well, that's the most terrifying part of all, buddy.

Kim Il Sung because the only offensive plan is forward in numbers they don't have, and actually pretty good at defense.

We see Dabo doing this so hard because he doesn't want to mess up his shirt, and also because of that one time at school when everyone laughed at him for getting a mean pizza cheese string burn down his neck. CHT thinks David Shaw, because "Not the sexiest approach, sometimes criticized as overly conservative, but that shirt is clean as a whistle."

PLAN a heist? None of them. Successfully execute a plan Les Miles comes up with? Johnny Manziel, mostly because we're not convinced he wouldn't just do it for the fun of it.

Spurrier's the damn quarterback on that team, dude. (Like he would even play if not allowed to be the all-time QB.)Sure, he doesn't have knees. But you're a hopeless nerd, so that sounds like we're in a tie decided by handsomeness. And that's bad news for you, buddy.

We will, because the murky rock bottom of Florida football going to a bowl in Birmingham has cheap tickets, is conveniently located near a major interstate, and is a great place to lose your car for the insurance money.

In no particular order:

  1. Fake leg.
  2. Hemispherectomy patient with intracranial flask (nozzle in ear)
  3. Cummerbund
  4. Stuffed owl
  5. Pat Dye
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