SHUTDOWN FULLCAST: THE PUBLIX SHOOTING RANGE EPISODE

Sam Greenwood

WHERE WE DISCUSS WORSE PLACES TO GET FIRED THAN AN AIRPORT PARKING LOTS

FULLCAST BACK? Oh yes, this time talking about all of the following and more:

  • Places more embarrassing than the airport to get fired, like a plasma donation center or in the middle of childbirth
  • Exciting technical difficulties that forced us to solder together this monster out of fragments
  • Real crickets (because we had to record it on our porch due to sleeping kids
  • The time Jason's boss at Publix discharged a firearm INSIDE the store
  • Bret Bielema's hobby of bringing his own karaoke machine everywhere
  • The admission that we've never seen a single episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and the realization that Charlie sounds just like Celebrity Hot Tub
  • Why you can work out on the track at Kansas' stadium DURING games
  • Paul Johnson's bold challenge issued to gravity, sense, and his option quarterback who can't run the option

Listen below...

...or download it here.

We also have additional reader questions we didn't get to on air, so let's do that now.

A charismatic lemur with enchanted bangs.

NOT COUNTING THE WASHINGTON YEARS, and in order from best to worst:

  1. Rex Grossman
  2. Connor Shaw
  3. Stephen Garcia
  4. Dylan Thompson
  5. Jesse Palmer
  6. Brock Berlin
  7. Syvelle Newton
  8. Chris Smelley
  9. Tommy Beecher

If we forgot one, well...they're probably best off that way.

In short: we'd take receivers in motion toward the line of scrimmage and rouges from CFL, embrace the NFL's complete lack of concern for celebrations, and kill the current targeting rule and replace it with postgame suspensions to take the heat off the referees a bit.

Bob Davie and Dennis Franchione are currently coaching football. So, yes.

Cormac opens his mouth. The dust of generations of the damned like fine rain falls from his mouth and it covers the air and the eyes and the faces of the players and their eyes and faces and mouths, like dry pools in the desert, collect its sorrow. Within their hearts they feel the centurion's bony hand, the futility of a departed violence and the grip of the dead old world's hatreds grabbing at the tattered warp and woof of their soul's fabric. It gets cold. Ice forms on their bodies. Cormac's mouth pours forth the sorrow of time and rust. A howling so loud it creates its own silence pours from his mouth and it pours onto the players in a long blizzard of the warrior's laments spread through time. The spores of gory ages infect them. They lose to Oregon. They lose to Oregon by fifty points and margins the ages will cover like corpses beneath the spring's plowing.

We don't know what that is. Here is a picture of a happy cow.

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via i.imgur.com

Never been fired! Though we asked to get fired, and it went terribly. (We didn't get fired.)

You'd think Mobile would be the obvious answer, but the dirty secret on Mobile is that it's shockingly fun, particularly if you like to get drunk and wake up on strange boats. Detroit has to be answer: cold, Detroit-y, and with entertainment (see: casinos) very few of those involved can take advantage of due to age or lack of funds. At least Memphis will be lukewarm to middling-cold that time of year.

The biggest, and the dumbest, and we're going to drink a quart of house paint. Don't worry, as always it's just enamel. It'll just coat our insides for weather protection, not poison us, which is necessary because eating bowls full of carpentry nails is the only thing that makes watching Will Muschamp football not hurt us all over bodies. Haven't done that since the Zook years, but traditions are traditions.

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