THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/15/2013

Kevin C. Cox

TO EXPLORE AND FIND NEW LANDS

LET A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER TELL YOU THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF ONLINE DATING.

Sounds like a scouting issue, which would be a problem Texas has had for a few years now.

TO EXPLORE, AND FIND NEW LANDS. Les Miles should introduce every holiday.

This is not St. Patty's day. That's a different day entirely.

IT'S SUNBELT TUESDAY, DAMMIT. Respect the Fun Belt, whose Tuesday games begin tonight with the Ragin' Cajuns going to WKU in a matchup of WHO CARES, IT'S DEFENSE-FREE FOOTBALL ON THE TEEVEE ON A WEEKNIGHT.

MELTDOWN TIME. This is the greatest internet comment on Oklahoma and Bob Stoops that will ever be made, courtesy of "It's Meltdown Time."

Bob Stoops is a cuckold and his team reflects this.

And now you will never, ever get this image out of your head when watching Bob Stoops coach.

GOOD THINGS. Herb Hand continues his charm offensive by doing awesome charity work, and being awesome.

THAT SOUNDS FUN, WILL. Will Muschamp seems pretty chill for someone suffering through an injurystorm. He's still forming complete sentences and not attacking reporters. This is excellent behavior given the circumstances, and that time he tried to strangle his reflection in the mirror after the Sugar Bowl loss. (He lost. He'll get you someday, mirror man!)

IT'S NEVER A BAD DECISION TO LEAVE ORLANDO, PART ONE. The Naval Academy and triple option football will make a man crazed enough to assault someone in the tunnels at Epcot. Mugshottttttttt.

IT'S NEVER A BAD DECISION TO LEAVE ORLANDO, PART TWO. UCF'S leader in sacks is gone from the team for the moment to attend to family circumstances. We hope he straightens things out at home, and also does something with his life besides "Orlando" because life is too short for that.

HE'S PRETTY FAMOUS, DUDE. Dylan Thompson wants Jesus to be more famous, and wears a bracelet that reminds him that he's number two. Hatin' Ass Spurrier respects your faith, son, but he also respects Connor Shaw not puttin' himself second on the depth chart to anyone. God made quarterbacks to be number one, and if you don't believe that watch this chip shot. [THWACK] [hits defensive coordinator right in the earhole]

ETC: Squirrel! It's what's for dinner if you are the toughest old man alive. Taft rode a horse for exercise, which is baller as hell, and also probably one of the reasons why Taft weighed 280 pounds when he died. Bonus: Taft was "ominously hungry" during his diets, which is one of the best pieces of presidential verbiage you will ever read. No, sir, you cannot have a free third pack of ranch dressing.

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