BAN THE FIELD GOAL LINE

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

OH LOOK YOU GOT TO THE LINE OF ADMITTED FAILURE

It's not like you can't invent something useful and new to improve a sports broadcast. The glowing puck had its charms, the overhead cam once attacked an Iowa football player, and the curious human simulation known as Jim Nantz has risen to the top of his profession.  The first down line is now mandatory, and in future seasons will LITERALLY SCALD any player who touches it. (<----variation approved by Will Muschamp, whose allergy to first downs is now a full blown pathology.)

The field goal line is utterly useless, because field goals are evil, and a celebration of failure. "Look, everyone, stop, let's mark the exact point where your aspirations died, and you had to take life's consolation prize." This is the football equivalent of marking the day on the calendar where you passed into a 50% mortality rate for cancer by demographic, or marking the sad amount of time it actually takes you to masturbate to completion. Pornhub might want to consider putting this on their video bar, actually. It would be a fascinating measure of male sexual inattention. Most viewers closed the tab here, just two minutes and eight seconds into the video. Baylor has scored twice in the time it took you to climax.

Not that it couldn't be useful with some variation. Like this useful graphic on the Florida offense, for instance:

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Or this, which has a line that is actually true, i.e. a spot showing that Kirk Ferentz will indeed totally punt from the mid-30 yard line. (Click to embiggen.)

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This is of less utility, since USC may fire their head coach on any yardline at any stadium, and do it in outlandish, Vince McMahon-ish fashion.

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But seriously, get rid of the field goal line. It's sad, and a bare minimum of what offenses should be capable of doing in a football game unless you're Florida. And this year, you do not want to be Florida.

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