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Bill Lynch Invitational Update- Tying Up the Loose Ends as Fulmer Cup Season Rolls In (Like a Certain Tide, You Might Say) UPDATE WITH MORE SCORES AND UN-DUBBED STUDIO GHIBLI CLIPS!!!

Time waits for no man, the sands run through the hourglass, the tides come in, the tides go out, and only the bodies of dead Irishmen remain, to be pecked at by the pernicious seagulls of crushed dreams. Yes, of course seagulls eat waterlogged human flesh. It is known.

Ranch_dressing_fountain_medium

via 3.bp.blogspot.com

The Bill Lynch Invitational scoring period has ended; long live the Bill Lynch Invitational. We have a couple updates to make today, but your author is going to wait a week to see if any more arrests are made and charges filed for the period leading up to last night. Next Wednesday we will have a champion to take home the coveted Ranch Fountain. Of the preseason Fulmer Cup-style tournament. Because Preseason Champions are totally a thing. I'm an IU basketball fan; I should know.

Kentucky redshirt freshman TJ Jones starts us off with a very poorly-timed impromptu show-and-tell at his old high school. It's generally not a good idea to bring a handgun onto school property. It was an even worse idea to do that on December 18th of last year. It sounds like he took it out and was showing it off in the locker room. I'm just not going to elaborate or joke about this. The article lists the charge as a "weapons violation", which I'm not sure is a felony or a misdemeanor. Commentariat, please feel free to correct me, but for now, I'm going to call this three points for Kentucky.

Meanwhile, two UNT players had a little shopping spree using the backpack discount. Antoine Jimmerson and Freddie Warner are charged with theft and probably didn't steal more than $1,500, so two misdemeanor charges gets you two BLI points, UNT.

BONUS ENTRY BECAUSE WE FORGOT!

We missed this because we backdated the start of the BLI to the end of each non-bowl team participant's season. And lo! Tennessee, it turns out, was the first onto the board! Brendan Dawson was very excited to celebrate the Vols' clinching of a 5-7 record for the year against that vanguard of the SEC, Kentucky by getting plastered in a bar and accosted by a cop working a second shift at Whiskey Dix's. I'm going to put aside how sad it is that a Knoxville cop has to pick up a second shift at a bar and roll with the fact that the whole thing kind of sounds like Roadhouse, to be honest, which we are always okay with. Underage drinking and public intox make you the Knoxville Police's new Saturday Night Thing, Brendan Downs. 1 point for each charge gets you two points for Tennessee!

More of the same for Iowa, who were also very, very excited about finally starting Thanksgiving break. So excited that Barkley Hill eschewed wise driving decisions and got caught driving while intoxicated. But then, who doesn't drive intoxicated when you're driving anywhere in beautiful Iowa? You'll never see prettier slaughterhouses. Never. Maybe Mr. Hill should have just called for an alternate form of transportation. Like the Catbus!

Totoro - Cat Bus! from Kim Bueong on Vimeo.

Two points for Mr. Hill, and a tie for the lead for Iowa.

Your Bill Lynch Invitational Standings

Miami- 4

Iowa- 4

Kentucky- 3

Tennessee- 2

North Texas- 2

Southern Miss- 2

Missouri- 2

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