THE CURIOUS INDEX, 1/25/2013

Malcolm Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

THE CURIOUS INDEX CONGRATULATES BAMA ON ITS NO-BUTT NATIONAL TITLE

FINE FINE HERE IT IS.

He's living such a perfect life at the moment that it scares people, and that's just fine. Johnny's rich and valuable, and those two things alone ensure a great degree of protection. Additionally, on his extended family's curve, he ain't even close to what might be considered trouble yet, so let's raise the spoiler and drop anchor on the concern rays for poor gifted, intelligent, and well-off 20 year old Heisman winners.

THE MAN WHAT MADE THE BEAR'S PANTS. The best part of this profile of Bear Bryant's tailor is the part where he describes the Alabama coach as having "no ass." That's a duck-butted national title for you, Alabama. Treasure its pancake-assed glory.

WE'RE SURE HE'S NICE. And no, not entirely to blame for the NCAA's stupidities, but still culpable by action and role. Our point might be that any person who heads up the NCAA becomes the head of the NCAA, and thus part of the problem instantly.

AND DOWN THE HOLE OF STUPIDITY WE TUMBLE. Um Te'o girl voice accomplice insane bullshit that only breeds more insane bullshit and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FISH A STRANGER IN THE CAT, NOTRE DAME. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

NEVER FORGET THE BOWDENS. America's true first football family.

ETC: Beard game on lock, which is presumably why he's retiring from marathoning at 101 because he's as perfect as a human being can get. Papa Roach gave us so much in just a single phrase. Viva los Xolos!

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