THE CURIOUS INDEX, 1/10/2013

Joe Robbins

GET MONEY, BRIAN KELLY

BECAUSE BIG WROTE THIS SONG ABOUT DEALING WITH ATHLETIC DIRECTORS.

Brian Kelly can ask for whatever he wants, since he really won't have exacted the proper amount of gratitude from Notre Dame until they give him an even more cumbersome contract than the 500 year agreement they bestowed on Charlie Weis. And he's not going to the Eagles, and just wants a giant raise, and please remind us how we wrote this when Brian Kelly is introduced next week as the next coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.

A MOMENT WITH THE SAD NOTRE DAME FAN. The man behind the GIF that defined the Irish experience on Saturday night speaks.

LUMBER ON, CLINT MOSELEY. They can change to a style of offense you can't play in, Clint Moseley, but know this: they can never take a victory over Florida away from you as a starter, nor the time you beat something called "Barrett Trotter" out for the job. You were a part of the lumbery, immobile white guy tradition at Auburn, and are thus immortal in the way that the Ben Leards and Brandon Coxes of the world are.*

*In the sense that they will occupy a single data slot in our head, and also beat Florida in infuriating ways.

YOU'RE GONNA GET SOME HOP-OFFS. The Butch Jones Staircar loses a few hop-ons in the transition.

MY DIET IS SLEEP. Justin Shanks of FSU lost 45 pounds plus after finding out that, among other dietary deficiencies, he wasn't really sleeping due to sleep apnea. He now sleeps with a CPAP, but doesn't wear it around all day like Bane does.

ETC: That is an innovative idea for cheap seating, Qantas. A day with the good Doctor Thompson ends with Fettucine Alfredo in the hot tub at 6 a.m.

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