This is the saddest man in the world, right down to his sweaty palms and the sad way he dries them on his Hawaiian shirt.

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He is the saddest man. The saddest digits in the world are 65, the total number of rushing yards for Stanford as the Washington defense--the real, actual, alive-and-not-dead Washington defense--eliminated the one thing the Cardinal could do from the options menu. The rest came down to tight end throw (Josh Nunes) making ineffective looping passes downfield to tight ends wide, and when that happens Stanford turns into a team of bears trying to catch catapulted medicine balls.

In fact, without tight end defensive end Trent Murphy making an pirouetting INT of a tipped ball and returning it for a TD, the 85 tight ends of Stanford's roster would have amassed just six points on the night even with the outstanding play of the swarming tight ends of Stanford's defense. Everyone on Stanford's roster is not a tight end, but it certainly feels like that watching them play, yes? Like you're watching Michigan State with a better credit rating, superior orthodontic care, and little threat of rioting over anything ever?

P.S. Justin Wilcox was a great hire at defensive coordinator for Washington, something he will prove by holding Oregon to under 50 points next week in Eugene. Keith Price! That was neat, and if you turned into powder walking from the bench to the locker room after surviving that hammering, disintegrate knowing that you impressed us by not dying out there tonight.