Oh you didn't know we spoke French, did you girl? Join us this weekend as we bathe in an ocean of college football, surrounded by scented candles, rocked to sleep by some sweet, sweet Peabo. Did you know Stedman Bailey sings "If Ever You're In My Arms Again" to the football after every touchdown. Now that's lovin'.

ORSON (ATL)

Baylor/Funroe tonight, Virginia/TCU, Maryland/WVU, Florida/Kentucky, Mizzou at SC, LSU at Auburn, Mich @ Notre Dame, Clemson at FSU, and then AZ/Oregon because FUCK SENSE

LUKE (SECRET SB NATION BELTWAY HEADQUARTERS WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE AN ABANDONED GO-KART TRACK)

Baylor/Louisiana Monroe (and possibly a series of Georgetown/Harvard for my boy Chris Haines), UAB/Ohio State, then bits and pieces of Oregon State/UCLA, Cal/USC, LSU/Auburn, Michigan/ND and K-State/Oklahoma all the while helping SB Nation further the Illuminati's quest to subjugate the world with subliminal advertising through weblogs.

RUN HOME JACK (SB NATION STUDIOS, NEW YORK)

Virginia/TCU, Maryland/West Virginia, Florida/Kentucky, Oregon State/UCLA, Colorado/Wazzu (a man needs something to boost the comparative self-esteem, so thanks, Buffs), Rutgers/Arkansas, Michigan/ND, LSU/Auburn, Clemson/FSU, and Arizona/Oregon.

Fuck you, Usher.

Now slip out of those Monday to Friday clothes and put on this elegant velvet football robe. You say you don't know what you'd like to watch? Baby, this weekend it's ladies' choice.