THE SINGULARITY IS NEAR

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Oh, hello.

I'm noted author, inventor, and futurist Ray Kurzweil. In addition to pushing forward my theories on the convergence of the physical limits of humanity with technology, I also own a piano with my name on it. Do you?

I'd like to talk to you today about the wonderful future, a future in which the limits of this very weblog and your visual cortex begin operating symbiotically. That day is coming very soon.

So what does it mean for the Internet, you, and the waking up of a universe that may have peaked at the production of four-time national champion (and fellow transhumanist) Howard Schnellenberger?

The next evolutionary step of SB Nation, dubbed by its engineers "United", will aim to arm man with the following:

  • Intelligent machine like load times.
  • Flexible layout, modern design, and the reduction of clutter potentially inspired by nanotechnology.
  • An experience on man's first means of giving themselves artificial intelligence, mobile devices (e.g. phones and tablets), which should echo that of your conceptually archaic desktop machine.
  • The perpetuity of your communal hive minding that you call FanPosts, FanShots, and commenting.
Evolution can be painful, yes, but it is necessary in order to achieve man's highest purpose: submitting animated GIFs for the approval of others for the remainder of time.

You love it? Excellent. You hate it? Please don't be him:

Thank you friends, and for your troubles, I give you this glimpse into the looking glass to see what's to come yet:

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Thanks again.

Until we meet again in 4000 years when our consciousnesses only exist as FanPosts,

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