THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/13/2012

SHANK SOMEONE.

They need to have a come to Jesus meeting and then stab someone. MIAMI FOOTBALL IS NOT DEAD SO LONG AS CANES FANS ARE LIKENING THE PROCESS OF PLAYING FOOTBALL TO STABBING SOMEONE.

CONTRASTS IN CURRENT FOOTBALL PROGRAM STATUS MESSAGES. At Alabama, when Nick Saban hears that DJ Fluker may have been tipping run/pass with his stance, Nick Saban raises an eyebrow, and then remembers they won the football game 35-0, but probably still puts this in his database of Things What Help Nick Saban Kill.

Meanwhile, at Auburn, everyone in the Miss State game knew what was coming, and are really happy to talk about it a lot to anyone who will listen.

"It makes our job as coaches so much easier when Cam Lawrence is signaling over his head every time they were calling a pass."

Noted. If Auburn comes out and Cam Lawrence is still doing this against ULM, it is perfectly acceptable to laugh or cry until you poop your pants (particularly if you are an Auburn fan, and will probably be doing both.)

WELCOME BACK. PLEASE DON'T WRITE ANYTHING WITHOUT ASKING US. Scott Wolf is now welcome back at USC's practices after talking with Trojans AD Pat Haden, though under what conditions he's working remains unclear per Wolf himself. This either shows that media in sports are truly working in a post-truth world, or exposes agendas or something else people say when they blame the media for writing things that happened. For seventeen dollars an hour we will write exactly what you want to hear, and then make Matt Barkley macros.

AND NOW HERE IS FLORIDA'S FAVORITE PLAYER. We may have found the most Will Muschamp Florida player ever: Antonio Morrison, the freshman linebacker whose answers to random profile questions in high school included this.

You couldn’t pay me to: smile

It's a grim love, man. (Via)

TWO VERY FUN TEXAS NOTES. Well hey, the Longhorn Network will make the most customized, Texas-sized broadcast you can handle, all live from a stadium that will probably be louder than DKR. (Because DKR is not loud, but boy, Kyle Field! That place gets loud, says Texas football player.)

RELEVANT TO LOUD PLACES: Those very Aggies continue to produce previews more beautiful than new skittles poured onto Jennifer Lopez's 1999 weapons-grade buttocks.

GEORGE WILL, NOTED FOOTBALL EXPERT. Sport is just another thing to saw the legs off of to make it fit in your bed, George Will.

BECOME VERBALLY FLUENT TODAY. The Solid Verbal goes through their picks for week three, and Scooter Pimp makes an appearance.

ETC: Every day is a big day in Jonesboogie. Woooowee, can't wait 'til this becomes the world's most obvious last stand position in a zombie movie. Oh, so Crossfit is run by insane people who didn't really know what they were doing? Shocking. LOL BING.

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