THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/11/2012

BC Headache Powder can be snorted in lines, Gene Chizik.

IT BEGINS. The Gene Chizik Ejection Seat* isn't twitching yet, but remember you need theory before practice, and that theory-building starts now, mostly with mentioning his record without Cam Newton, and then adjusting that with each game Auburn loses. Even Auburn fans of the most positive bent don't really know what to say right now, and girrrrl, we feel you. We so know where you are right now, and it's a bad place filled with scorpions, biting flies, and floating Paul Finebaum faces everywhere.

*It's not hot. At Auburn you're there, and suddenly one day there's a noise, and the sight of a man tracing through the sky like a howitzer shell, and then another man walks up and gets the keys to Pat Dye's magic riding lawnmower.

GAG! DAMN! STYLE. The Coaches' Poll deserved a good thousand words of thrashing this week. No one should do polls before October 1st, especially the guys who don't have time to watch games.

DEVON WALKER UPDATE. Devon Walker's support page at the Tulane website is something you should be aware of.

LESS BAD BUT STILL GRUESOME UPDATE. Indiana QB Tre Roberson will be out anywhere from five to six months due to his cleanly broken and horrifying broken leg. You might think it would be a good idea to search for images for this. It is not!

THE CURSE OF RANDY SHANNON CONTINUES. We don't believe Randy Shannon actually has a curse, but if he did he used it primarily on Robert Marve, who after committing to the Miami Hurricanes in January of 2007 has finally run out of minor misfortunes and torn his ACL at Purdue in September of 2012. He will be going pro in something else, but don't weep for him: he got to go to Miami and West Lafayette during his college career, becoming the only person to ever make the trip in the northward direction, not the southward.

CULT HERO NOEL MAZZONE FINALLY FINDS HIS VENUE. Having Brett Hundley helps, but after some serious roundabouting in the coaching jungle Mazzone has landed someplace where he has most everything he needs. (Except spectators. But besides that, everything he needs is right there.)

SUPERB ASSUMPTION OF RESPONSIBILITY, FAMU. Of course it was the drum major, FAMU. Of course.

ZACH METTENBERGER, IN NEED OF TP. It's a good look for him, really.

ETC: So thirsty, indeed.

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