THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/3/2012

SIDEBOOB FRIDAY. Hi SEO term boob olympics hot athlete football chick-fil-a gabby douglas kayla harrison ryan lochte shirtless OMG WYOMING FOOTBALL SIDEBOOB--

We're not sorry for a bit because Wyoming was too busy to talk to us this past week while we were out in Colorado--REALLY, WYOMING?--and also because if you got here by searching for any of those terms, you got exactly what you deserved. The overalls are lovely, don't change a thing. (via)

FLORIDA FOOTBALL LOSES 180 POUNDS. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill resigned today from his position at the University of Florida, most likely because of his entanglement in the Nevin Shapiro case at Miami. During his time at Florida as a position coach Hill developed no wide receivers, and was in charge of recruiting Palm Beach County. This is about all you can say about Hill, who issued a statement saying he was resigning for "personal reasons."

The position coaching will be done by Brent Pease and assistant Bush Hamdan, the two guys who were coaching the wide receivers anyway. Did you know we had wide receivers at the University of Florida? That question is kind of the point here, and of all the things wrong with Florida football right now, this is not one of them.

(The other coach mentioned prominently in all this? Clint Hurtt at Louisville. Might be a completely different situation if Strong thinks he's doing his other job besides recruiting, an issue that was also a sore spot in Hill's case.)

MONTEE BALL WAS NOT FIGHTING IN THE CLUB/PARTY/STREET, PER MONTEE BALL. Montee Ball insists the five men who jumped him were not retaliating for an earlier scuffle. This will have to be believed pending further evidence. What is definite: a concussion will keep him out of the beginning of camp, though there are no expected long-term side effects from the injury that would affect his role as the Badgers' starter during the season.

AND FIELD TURF RUINS NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL FOREVER. We talked a bit about FieldTurf coming to Notre Dame on Twitter, but to reiterate a really obvious series of points:

  • The problem with the ND in-game experience is not a Jumbotron, or the lack of one, or the wooden seats, or the grass. It is the ethos of sad asses planted to seats shushing anyone who shows enthusiasm.
  • If you want this to be your thing, and to keep Notre Dame as the Westminster Dog Show of football environments, that's fine. That's your thing. It will be the opposite of fun, and a drudge to watch, and it will be tradition because tradition because tradition. You go ahead and do that.
  • But if that is not what you want--and there are Notre Dame fans who do not want this, and would like to have a good time at games without things devolving to utter, LSU-ish anarchy--then you need to do a few things.
  • You need to stand up. You need to stop telling others to sit down. You need to yell. You need to act like you care without being the repressed Midwestern uncle of in-stadium fanbases. You see what the student section is doing? DO THAT. Okay, don't attempt pushups on top of the extended hands of your friends, because that's a great way to dislocate a middle-aged shoulder. But the other stuff, yeah: DO THAT.
  • Those who don't like it can go to the luxury boxes, where you can feel really great about all the money you've made via superior virtue, and most definitely not because of your social connections purchased through a degree. You go up there, and let the wolves have their fun in the stands.
  • It is a football game. It is not Death of a Salesman in pads.
  • Oh, and fire every usher in the place. They're worthless pocket fascists who wear--we are not kidding--UNIFORMS. Point and laugh at them until they leave if firing is too complex.

If you want a real environment, do all that. If you want the mausoleum, just keep on doing you, Notre Dame. We could couldn't care less, since there are no fewer than fifty or sixty college football stadiums we would rather see a game at. Boise has a better atmosphere than South Bend once the whistle starts, even if you get kicked out in the first quarter for drinking in the stands. Which we did. On a work assignment. Go Broncos.

[/end Notre Dame monologue]

LES MILES CALLS IT HIS MATING ATTACHMENT. Barkevious Mingo needs to "re-adjust his eating apparatus," thus leading us to now rename every body part in Les Miles speak. "Poop-egress" is a no-brainer.

THIS BABY'S NAME IS "BUTKUS" BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE LEFT. Yes, we saw this yesterday, and now feel slightly about ourselves as a parent.

ETC: Brian Shaw is just goddamned beastly. Trampoline: better than you can possibly imagine as a sport. Dan Devine is writing nothing but smoothness for the Games. The Robot Apocalypse: way less dramatic than you might think.

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