THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/24/2012

HE REALLY COULD DO THIS. They filmed this on the USC campus, making the ad even better than it already is if you imagine the Mountaineer tracking Lee Corso all the way from Morgantown, and then keeping him for his own safety in the controlled confines of the on-campus monorail.

(Via) In other important video news, we were on a test run of UNITE, the new midnight show on ESPNU. Remember: we only appear on television at night because the moon is one of the few things that eclipse the size of our enormous head.

CORRUPTION IN MEMPHIS, YOU SAY? NEVER. The NCAA knows where to look for easy targets: AAU basketball, and the entire city of Memphis, Tennessee. To review: first Auburn's Jovon Robinson of Auburn had his Wooddale High School transcript fall apart under scrutiny, and then the NCAA had their investigation of improper benefits at Mississippi State blow up when Angelo Mirando resigned from Miss State in what Joe Schad alleged was fallout from said investigation into MSU DB Will Redmond receiving a car from someone in Memphis.

That's in italics, because as this C-A article lays out so well, no one really knows what is going on other than weird, under the table business on three, four, or possibly a hundred fronts. On the positive side, they do have nice bike lanes, and at least they're sort of proud of their corruption, and do it with some flair. Looking at you, theatrically ashamed and unfun robber barons of Nashville.

STORM KLEIN IS REINSTATED AT OHIO STATE. His mother, however, might want to go on voluntary internet probation for a while.

QUARTERBACKS ARE JUST HAPPENING ALL OVER THE PLACE. Notre Dame's Everett Olson only threw three interceptions in fall camp, and that's probably all you need to know in analyzing Brian Kelly's decision to start the redshirt freshman. Meanwhile, Texas announced David Ash as their starter, probably because watching Case McCoy is stressful enough to kill even the most stoic of football viewers.

Chip Kelly will announce Oregon's starter later today, and whomever that is they'll be the same person every other Oregon QB under Chip Kelly has been: "Ridiculously Productive And Previously Faceless Extension Of Chip Kelly's Mind."

WILL MUSCHAMP NO-SOLD HIS MOVES. Thaddeus Bullard, one of the more entertaining people to ever play at Florida, is now in the WWE, and probably didn't want to bodyslam Will Muschamp off-camera, but did it out of courtesy.

TAMPA REQUIRES A GUIDE, BIG EAST FANS. Whatever you do, though, do not go to their campus, per an actual USF fan. The strip clubs, tho. The scrip crubs, indeed.

WE PROMISE NOT TO BE BORING, AND GARLIC BUTTER. That Larry Fedora has to clarify to UNC fans that they will not, in fact, be playing boring-ass NFL-distilled football is funny, and so is burying the real lede of the story: Papa John's will be available at games, so at last football can overtake basketball at North Carolina through the power of Big Papa and his creepy plasticsurgeryface.

THE QB READ THAT WILL PLEASE HER MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE. Xs and Os' layout sort of makes it look like the Men's Health of websites, but damn, it's still sexy as hell.

ETC: They became American citizens in the best way possible. The carpenter has such amazing plans for the money he made off telling the world he'd had sex with his friends' wives. Make time for an old friend this morning, and remember that Half-Life 3 is coming out tomorrow, or in 2018. Brian Phillips was and is just as addicted to Football Manager as you are. Dan Rubenstein tried to emulate Kramer as a ball boy, and sort of succeeded. The books of the Royal Tenenbaums, collected for your pleasure. Eli Cash is the best Cormac McCarthy parody there will ever be.

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