THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/23/2012

OHIO STATE DOES NOT TAP OUT. THEY DO, HOWEVER, NAP. Urban Meyer already understands the Ohio State fanbase well enough to salt his speeches with MMA terminology, either to win favor or satisfy the terms of a silent endorsement deal. Six months of sprawl training, and John Simon could be a beast on Strikeforce, bro!

He also rewards players with naptime, a gift way better than ice cream, random pranks, or whatever else lesser coaches decide to give players as a reward for a good practice in brutal heat.

Don't laugh: naptime for someone working two-a-days is a serious incentive, especially if you happen to be a giant human being barely keeping up with the massive recovery demands of your body.Do laugh at the sight of Ohio State players toting air mattresses around looking for places to sleep, because excepting size that is totally indistinguishable from toddlers setting up for naptime. (via)

AIRBHG GOES NATIONAL. About damn time we let BHGP drive the national college football debate. Bobert Zook can only be around the corner as a national reference point for millions.

OREGON DOES SOMETHING AWESOME WITH UNIFORMS PART BILLIONTY. Oregon makes new amazing uniform out of 492 fabrics, and Adidas responds by making MIchigan wear entire uniforms made of garlic bread. Oh, the conflicted soul of Brady Hoke in this situation, and oh the delightful aroma tempting his bearlike senses and ravenous soul. DAMN YOU, DAVE BRANDON, PIZZA BARON. Please get our Brady Hoke's fat jokes correct: he is a lovable, romping glutton like a trained bear, and not the evil, crippling kind of fatness that is a physiological indicator of a defective soul.

AUBURN SEEMS WELL. QBClint Moseley says he'd be on the DL if he were a pitcher right now, but thank goodness he's not a pitcher because the bodies, just think of all the bodies lying on the ground with baseball stitches etched in their foreheads. In related news, senior WR DeAngelo Benton has been suspended for violating an undisclosed team rule, like "attending too much class." Auburn is one of the SEC's deepest mysteries this year. They usually are, and that's why there's an actual FBI office there.

SEC MEMES. The Muschamp one hurts. Pain means it may be more accurate than we can ever admit.

THE ONLY GAMBLE YOU TAKE IS NOT PUTTING YOUR MONEY ON THE TABLE, SON. Bud's taken over our gambling beat, and what conference is more Gamblor-compatible than the points spread-shredding Big 12? No one, of course. He's also introducing the world to Alabama's finest, one tweet at a time.

ETC: Liberty City's litter policies are just wrong. Let Bill Snyder consider this matter for you. The RTT Podcast with Wes Rucker and Clay Travis is a very pleasant way to not work. How the hell has Detective Chimp not become the most popular comic book in the world? NAILED IT.

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