THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/16/2012

How does Minneapolis resist the electric sex of Jerry Kill? (Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images)

JERRY KILL IS GETTING THE SAME TREATMENT THE REPLACEMENTS GOT, MAN. Minnesota football's done everything they were supposed to do to attract fans except for winning: build a new stadium, hire a new coach, revamp their marketing, and everything else in the "revive program" playbook. Look back at that part about "not winning." Weirdass Minnesotans, it turns out, are not so different than the heartless bastards you call friends.

"We lose a lot, so there's not really a reason to go to a game," Jessica Shudy, a sophomore from Minneapolis, said as she sat in the school's student union. She said she thinks she went to three games a year ago -- she can't recall, exactly -- and is not sure she will go to any this year. "It was pretty bad," she said of watching the team last year. Among her friends, she added, the football team is "not really a big thing."

Jerry Kill also rode around campus in a golf cart handing out free tickets. Please imagine Nick Saban doing this, and now you are dead from mirth. "COME TO OUR GAME YOU SNIVELING C#$&TS. Please."

GEOGRAPHICAL UPDATE: We're on the West Coast and flying back today, so posting will be slow. The Pac-12 launch was fascinating, and not just because Larry Scott turned on the tv network with a touchscreen tv. (LARRY SCOTT BE TURNIN' ON YOUR TVS WITH TVS AMERICA.) Our piece on it will be up tomorrow, but we say this without reservation: by necessity, the Pac-12 had to do something that skipped a few iterations on the evolutionary progression because they're the Pac-12, and don't have quite the automatic football spigot the SEC has.

That said, we really fear for the shitty, farmed-out product the SEC could produce due to the laziness near-infinite demand, because the Pac-12's entire plan is brilliant, and had to be. The SEC's might not have to be, and that could make for a pedestrian product on the digital side. Did you know the Pac-12 is going to live-edit games and post hour-long cuts for easy digestion? That you can watch at your leisure? You do know, and it will be beautiful.

In short, after seeing this, we desperately do not want the SEC to suck when "Project SEC" comes out. They also have little reason not to suck, and that's the worst part of the whole thing.

JUST SAYING. Watching TAMU 2012 slowly seduce Bill C. and steal his mind has been a magnificent thing, even if it all might be tempered by the Aggies announcing that freshman Johnny Manziel would start at quarterback.. Then again, Manziel did take a shirtless mugshot after being arrested in a barfight, so maybe that itself is countered by "we are a team led by a quarterback who barfights shirtless at a young age." As it should be, dammit.

NORMALLY TAKING KANSAS' LEAVINGS WOULD BE A BAD THING. And yet if it's "I left Kansas because Charlie Weis didn't have any use for me," we somehow think this is a compliment.

WISCONSIN HAS ALREADY OFFERED THIS CHILD. 6'1", 297 pounds in the seventh grade means that yes, that is Bret Bielema is driving by your practices in a windowless van waving ice cream out the open door. Please ignore the men with capture nets and tranq dart guns standing behind him. (Being college football's most dedicated chubby chaser has to be more fun than we know.)

THIS IS GOING SO WELL. It's been a special week PR-wise for Will Muschamp. Please stop making him talk. He hates it, and is not particularly good at sentences where he can't spit out formations and line calls as statements of fact.

DON'T EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH THE INTERNET. They will use tools you cannot combat like facts.

HEY HEY HEY HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS ROOMBA THING. Rick Reilly writing about college football, just stumbling into the room and giving you the hottest sports takes of 2005.

ETC: Way to go, Georgia! Again! Charles Darwin never told a lie.

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