THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/1/2012

AU REVOIR, GREG REID. The scourge of Marcus Lattimore's face was thrown bodily from the FSU football team today after "a violation of team rules." That violation likely has something to do with Reid's arrest in Valdosta for weed possession, but like most ongoing disciplinary struggles with talented athletes, this was was about a long series of things rather than one isolated incident.

We'll miss your spotty defensive coverage, punt returns, and that aforementioned thing you did to Marcus Lattimore's face.

Reid wasn't that good anyway, and will be replaced by a first-round draft pick who will somehow manage to be part of a can't-miss national title team that loses three games in the ACC and is a favorite of local police organizations everywhere.

THE SHIP IS FLEEING THE RATS. Once Silas Redd formally left for USC yesterday, the border fence of courtesy came down for Penn State transfers. Again, Rob Bolden has gone to LSU, something that is far funnier than it should be since Rob Bolden is way closer to being an SEC quarterback to begin with than a Big Ten quarterback rolling into the SEC. WELCOME HOME, ROB.

THE MOST NAUSEATING HEADLINE FOR A PREVIEW EVER. If this were a real piece of pornography, viewing it would cause instant death. You might also get a Hawai'i Bowl bid and a mediocre rushing offense, but that's just the kind of free money you get when you pour three million dollars into a Charlie Weis-shaped hole.

COME ON YOU HAVE SPELL CHECK. Brent Pease, Florida's new offensive coordinator charged with filling the Weis-sized hole in the Gator offense, took two weeks to go on safari and hand out rubber bracelets to tribesmen. Remember: in all kinds of weather we all stick together and often pass out symbolic rubber bracelets. The article refers to the "Messiah" tribe, which from the photo we assume is the Masai tribe via "never taking an anthropology class."

RELATED TO ISOLATED TRIBES: Zeke Pike is not currently part of the Auburn football team, and that is fine because Clint Moseley has GOT THIS, y'all.

EXCUSE US. But Todd Graham posted this and LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.

ETC: THIS IS WHAT VICTORY LOOKS LIKE. Dana Holgorsen is a superb lipwriter. If you go strictly by hair, he is already a legend.

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