FanPost

2012 SEC Media Days



(Missouri and Texas A&M head coaches ride in the elevator on the headed towards the hotel basement)

Pinkel: “You got any idea what this is about?”

Sumlin: “No Clue. Maybe they want to personally welcome us to their conference.”

Pinkel: “At 1 in the morning? I doubt it. This isn’t about that stupid video you guys made, is it?”

Sumlin: “Stupid Video? You mean Welcome? Everyone loved that video, dude.”

Pinkel: “We aren’t about the same video then.”

(Elevator rings and comes to a halt at the bottom floor, doors begin to open)

Sumlin: “Just let me do the talking, Ive got this.”

Pinkel: “Alright, sure is dark down here. Wait, are those guys holding candles?”

(Eleven masked shadows appear; Joker Phillips is busy getting a replacement key at the front desk)

Ominous voice that sounds a lot like Steve Spurrier: Have a seat. We have much to discuss.

Sumlin: O hey guys, I was just talking to Missouri about how..

Saban: “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN!”

Pinkle: “But there isn’t anywhere to sit.”

Saban: “QUIET MAGGOTS!”

(TA&M and Missouri sit on the floor and are quickly surrounded by the eleven shadowy figures)

Spurrier: “Now, we wanted to welcome our new members to our conference.”

Sumlin: (Elbows Pinkel. Whispers) “See I told you.”

Spurrier: “As new members, there are certain rules and procedures you must follow. First rule, you have to stop making these stupid ass youtube videos.”

(Projector comes down, shows “Welcome” in its entirety.)

(The eleven figures groan and snicker.)

(Video ends)

Miles: (Open hand claps)

Sumlin: “If you like that, you should see Aggie Swag!”

Spurrier: “What do you think we should do as punishment for this, boys?”

Muschamp: (WWE Death stare)

Richt: (Makes Choking sign)

Chizik: (Flexes through his leather jacket)

Franklin: (Brandishing a new shiny set of brass knuckles) “Lets kick their ass!”

Dooley: “How the hell did they beat us with a wide receiver at quarterback?”

Smith: “WOOO! PIG SOOIE! WEEEEEEEEEE!”

Freeze: “Guys can we speed this up, we are almost out of bourbon?”

Spurrier: “All in favor of punishing them for this on the gridiron September through October – Say I”

Ten of the coaches: “I!”

Mullen: (Half deaf from cowbells, Furiously searching Travelocity for cheap flights up north.) “Urban Meyer!”

Spurrier: “Alright then, it final. Losing records for both teams. Good luck, boys. Youre gonna need it.”

(Coaches begin to walk out, leaving the two sitting on the ground in the middle of the room.)

Miles: “Lets go meet Holgorsen at the Casino! “

Sumlin: “Ok, but we are still cool, right guys? Guys?”

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