FanPost

The Tao of John L. Smith

"You may not make money, but you won't lose money."

John L. Smith -- Arkansas head football coach, Zen Apprentice

The new Arkansas sensei recently announced his intention to file for bankruptcy due to a series of failed real estate development deals in Kentucky. I won't bore you with the minutia here, but to put things in perspective -- his holler went dry.

Fret not, Razorback fans. Coach Smith should be back on his feet lickity-split, judging by the aforementioned simplicity through which he lives his everyday life. Here are a few similar musings from his unpublished memoir: The Tao of John L. Smith: Philosophies on Phootball and Phree Markets.

On love: "You may not marry the prom queen, but you'll never have to explain to a prom queen's ex-military father why you accidentally fed their family cat paint thinner."

On life: "You may not achieve all your dreams, but one day you might get to crush the dreams of someone else. And that's pretty fantastic."

On politics: "You may not become president, but a well armed militia can protect our borders just the same."

On religion: "You may not love your neighbor, but you probably shouldn't anyway. It's not Adam and Steve, guys."

On the speed of SEC defenses: "You may not outrun everybody, but you'll probably outrun Kentucky."

On meeting Will Muschamp: "You may walk away with a broken hand, but that's why the good Lord gave you two."

On alcohol: "You may not be a polite drunk, but this isn't Ivy League football, is it?"

On family: "You may lose your daughter someday, but you'll gain a son. And, God willing, a timeshare in the Keys."

On traveling: "You may not have a driver's license, but this dune buggy isn't exactly street legal anyway now, is it?"

On work: "You may not like your current job, but one day that hobby of fermenting Capri Sun pouches into traveler wine is going to pay dividends."

On the recession: "You may not not have any money, but a firm handshake is all the currency you really need in this world son."

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