THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/3/2012

In the air on the way to NYC. Expect delays.

CRATE. CRAAAAAAAAATE. Just, you know...get back in there for a minute, TAMU.

Nice words first: that's a great Gator chomp. Picture perfect, in fact. You also got the lady to say "cocks," and the Peter Griffin Appreciation Club will certainly love that. Now that we've said that, you need to destroy this immediately. Place the ashes in a tube. Take this tube and drive to Nevada. Deposit it in one of the receptacles the government uses to stash nuclear waste ten miles deep in the earth. Then drive away and begin a new life. It will be easier than you can possible imagine. (Via)

AND ALL THIS CHANGE WILL RESULT IN NO CHANGE. One reason you have to like Brian Murphy's coverage of Boise State: he'll happily list every single piece of equipment Boise State takes on the road with them, including 50 pounds of "miscellaneous." (And now you know exactly how much Chris Petersen's enormous balls weigh.) It's cheaper to fly to Hattiesburg, Mississippi than to Hawai'i, yes, but oh god it's so worth the price once you realize what you've done by flying to Hattiesburg.

CAUSE HE'S ON THE MOTHERHUMPIN' HOT S-E-A-T. Joker Phillips is leaning on 50 Cent for inspiration these days, and Kentucky football is now owned by VitaminWater. WAY TO GO JOKER, NOW YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM IS WATERY GATORADE WITH NO HEALTH BENEFITS WHATSOEVER.*

*No real change.

BUT BUT-- A playoff still really doesn't help players but shhhhhh shiny things shiny things.

THAT IS DEEPLY WRONG. The EA Sports ads are really embracing the comedy of discomfort, and it's working.

NEGLECTED IMPORTANT NEWS: yes, Stephen Garcia is going to enjoy life in Montreal.

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