THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/23/2012

AND NOW FOR A MOMENT OF TOTAL HAPPINESS. Before we get to the nasty business of Penn State's summary execution, let's just watch Steve Spurrier dance for a minute.

Mock the belly putter, but its one of the hollow ones you can fill with beer. Make fun of the shirtless people at whatever golf-tournament he's at, but if you have to be at a golf tournament don't you want it to be the one you can flee by swimming to a nearby beer barge? Laugh at the jig, but that's a jig of a man on one freshly implanted artificial knee celebrating all that free time he has because somehow he's managed to be a good football coach without working four hundred hours a week. Are there even four hundred hours in a week? Steve Spurrier doesn't know and doesn't care, because that ball just kissed the bottom of the cup. Hillbilly jiggin' ain't a time to count anything except a three on a par four, son. (via)

THE BARE FACTS. Here's what Penn State got blowtorched with:

  • Ten scholarships gone in the first year, and twenty for each additional year. (Bud on that here, and it's probably the nastiest bit of the total package.)
  • A complete vacation of Penn State victories from 1998-2011
  • $60 million fine, paid over five years and benefitting charities promoting child abuse awareness and prevention.
  • Penn State players can transfer without penalty.
  • GIving back $13 mil in B1G bowl money, given back to charity.
  • Four year postseason ban including the B1G's ban on participation in the conference's championship game.
  • Five years' probation
  • Extensive monitoring, including the attachment of various officials to audit Penn State.

It's as bad as you can imagine, and possibly worse depending on said imagination. Penn State as a football power is done for a decade at least, and will struggle to come out of this hole like nothing you've ever seen. Whether you find the punishment appropriate or not, it is most definitely an ALL-CAPS, HORRENDOUS VERY BAD PUNISHMENT.

REMINDER: Barry Switzer's statue is ready and able to answer any and all questions you care to ask, because it is still standing. In case the statue doesn't talk, you can just ask Barry about the whole thing.

TEXAS TECH STILL EXISTS AND WOULD LIKE YOU TO MARKETEER WITH THEM. For some reason, the idea that Texas Tech is still trying, marketing things, and buddying up to the football consumer comforts us. Like, even at the bottom of a pit you share with Craig James, there's still hope and marketing people.

ANATOMY OF A MELTDOWN. We were there, and rewatched it just this past week, and despite all that nothing will ever make sense about Texas A&M's last loss to the Longhorns this past season. (Though Barking Carnival comes closest to explaining it. The Aggies missed Cyrus Gray horrendously in this game.)

WALL TO WALL HOLGO. Big 12 Media Days start today, so why not listen to Dana Holgorsen talk for minutes on end?

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