THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/26/2012

The mellower Lane Kiffin, seen here wearing a full body condom. (Photo by Steve Dykes/Getty Images)

THE MATURE, LEVELHEADED KIFFYKINS. We like the emerging "Grownfolks Lane Kiffin" story for a lot of reasons, especially that part about coaching good offense and helping to make the Pac-12 the wild, wonderful exotic collection of people who like to score football touchdowns. This part, though?

Those of us east of the Colorado River like to think we take our football more seriously than they take pretty much anything on the Left Coast, but according to a study by sociologist Patrick Adler, there are more NFL players from Los Angeles than any other metropolitan area, and while the South's influence is waning, the West Coast is the fastest-growing region for professional talent.

Sure, guy who conveniently forgets that LA's always been a hive of beastly football talent and, you know, the recent course of college football history as a whole. It's a minor parenthetical in an otherwise fine article, and we wouldn't argue with the other aside about the Pac-12 being way more interesting in terms of coaching talent than any other conference. But "waning" might not be the way to refer to the SEC right now, or at least not until we can get more SEC/Pac-12 matchups. <-----HEY JEREMY FOLEY STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE IS GOING TO BE A COMPONENT SCHEDULE SOME GODDAMN OUT OF CONFERENCE GAMES ON THE WEST COAST AND STOP GIVING THEM AMMO.

*The SEC's currently in Italian mode, and being dominated by the most successful, process-oriented, aggressive, and utterly boring brand of football known to man, Sabanball. It wins, and it's just boring as fucking hell for the uninvested viewer. Shit, run up a score every now and then. We come from the Church of Spurrier: if we can't stop you, you deserve to beat us by fifty with your backups.

TU-PICK BACK? Tu-pick back? That's all these Irish screamin' holla Tu-Pick back! All eyez on Rees, better picture him bowlin', get the ball to the three and then the passes get stolen.

LES MILES, BASEBALL POET. Les Miles live-tweeted the College World Series last night. It is so very June up in here right now.

BUT PAWWWWLLL HE THROWS THE COMMUNIST FRISBEE. The Crimson Tide is recruiting Grant Hill, and good luck with those glass ankles, Herr Saban.

WE MISS KEITH, AND WILL NOT MISS OURSELVES. We don't think this has any relevance besides it being a very sad thing that Keith Jackson is old and can't call college football games anymore, but it's sad nonetheless.

OKLAHOMA STATE, PLEASE PURCHASE THE THUNDER. By that we mean T. Boone, who could certainly do the kind of job as a megabooster that the NBA could really use.

BAYLOR APPEARS TO BE THE KIND OF PLACE THAT CANNOT STAND WIN STREAKS. It's a relatively small thing, but it does little to counter the idea that you don't really want to get too close to Baylor athletics for a prolonged period of time, because it's gonna spit a part or two and you don't want to be in the way. The alleged extorter in this case had "damaging information" about RG3, which a.) let's take an extorter's word on these kind of things, and b.) nothing can damage him more than being employed as a quarterback by the Washington Redskins, so no damage is theoretically possible.

THAT'S THE APPROPRIATE GIF. Dahling, zees simply vill not wohhhhhk.

ETC: You've had bad days at work, but they were not this. Fifty sleeping pills a day, baby! The list of Bond songs hererightfully heaps praise on "The World Is Not Enough," but repeated viewings of Octopussy have "All Time High" as being way underrated for purely sentimental reasons. A very NSFW way to give your all for the team.

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