TERRY BOWDEN'S ARM IS A FOOTBALL

Akron-zips-2012-poster-schedule_medium

He loved football. "You'll get back, but it will cost you," the Fates said. "Well, I'm ready to start payin', y'all." The Fates teed off, all hitting their balls into the rough and the bunkers, because they are just completely shitty at golf. They all play with orange range balls with huge smiley divots in them, too, because the Fates are all cheap bastards.

"You must be our caddy for all 18 holes today."

"Okay. What else?"

The Fates all used drivers out of the rough, and hit terrible, shitty shots bouncing all over the course. One sliced a ball directly into an old woman's skull. He responded by giving her the finger and calling her an unspeakable profanity, because the Fates are dicks.

"It's gonna be Akron."

Bowden gulped. "Okay. What else?"

The Fates each took seven putts to make a terrible, clanking series of octuple bogies. They cursed, spat, and dented the greens with their belly putters, and then marked the cards with birdies and eagles. The Fates just suck at everything, but especially golf.

"You must have your right arm amputated and replaced with a football."

"Uh...why?"

The Fates cackled.

"Okay, fine. Done. This ain't too bad."

The Fates cackled some more.

"One more thing."

"What? WHAT?"

The Fates cackled REALLY loudly this time.

"Dicks. Complete and utter dicks. All of you."

"GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, TERRY," the Fates chanted in unison before sexually harassing the high-school aged beverage cart girl, purchasing a shitload of Bud Light Lime to litter the course with, and leaving no tip.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker